Eliana Osborn

1. Borrow a child.

Ray Nagin. Yes, the former New Orleans mayor who now has a criminal record. Let me explain.

Sometimes the nicest kids turn into whole new people when they come over to your house.

"Sharknado 3" has an especially unique moment when a human baby is born by being cut out of the side of a shark. Don’t ask questions, there’s nothing to explain.

Full-fat dairy may be “healthier” for you than low-fat dairy. “May” be, as in, probably is, like with numbers and science and stuff.

I look tired when I stay up too late. I also look tired if I get eight hours of sleep.

I always have a small piece of my brain on mom mode, no matter what else is happening. I have no problem with this, since that is how humanity has survived.

Now that I’m a mother, I’m much more sympathetic to a woman who just couldn’t take it anymore. Not saying I’d leave my kids in a parking lot and hope for the best . . . just saying that I can understand the impulse.

A haircut is a whole lot cheaper than therapy or tattoos or a round-the-world plane ticket.

I’m not broken by this therapy failure. Jane wasn't the person to help me at this point of my life. Someone else WILL be.