Eliana Osborn

Eliana Osborn

Bio

Eliana Osborn is a writer and part-time English professor living with her family in Arizona. She spends too much time in the sun and will someday publish her novel in progress.

Eliana Osborn Articles

The best way to ignore your family.

Family Games That Won't Make You Want To Kill Each Other

Look, Connect Four is not a good game. But it can be over quickly, which is pretty great.

Read...
Doesn't that look delicious? Image: <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Biscuits-and-gravy.jpg">Wikipedia</a>

White Foods Are Disgusting And Probably Poison

Is anyone else with me on this? White foods are NASTY.

Read...
Are you serious?

Schools Are Not Sexism-Free

I’ve got two tales of hideous male behavior — at the elementary school, somewhere typically full of good vibes and happiness and all that.

Read...
Teachers will appreciate the help, trust us.

Volunteering At Your Kid's School Can Be Fun...Really

My main reason for doing reading testing, enduring a bus ride to a field trip about weapons engineering, and other thrills? Stalking.

Read...
This type might not even be listed, actually.

The 8 Types Of Kids Who Come Over To Play

Sometimes the nicest kids turn into whole new people when they come over to your house.

Read...
Anyone can do amazing work when one room takes 36 months. I suspect the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel was painted in less time.

Remodeling Your Bathroom (And Your Relationship)

After years in apartments that should have been condemned, even these sad restroom facilities were vast improvements. And so we stayed, the husband and I, vaguely embarrassed when guests stayed over and commented on the bordello vibe of the bathroom.

Then we had a kid. No working bathtub suddenly seemed like a big deal. And the functional bathroom spaces weren’t places you’d want to hang out. There’s a lot of bathroom time once you’ve got tiny humans. (You’ve been warned.)

Read...
My poor, authoritarian conservative father nearly had a heart attack. Image: Youtube screenshot.

Sexy Songs Are Nothing New

After this, I’m not going to be able to complain about Meghan Trainor and having to teach my son that "All About That Bass" is talking about girls with big booties.

Read...
Image: Tumblr (of course)

An Open Letter To The Snotty Bag Boy At My Local Grocery Store

Really, you should thank me. I’m just protecting your future self.

Read...