Eliana Osborn

We take weekend turns. He does vacations and summers. Literally. He takes them away. It is great.

I wanted to write a book last summer. Then I realized what a terrible goal that was and modified accordingly.

I’m not alone in being troubled by how people suddenly disappear in life, right? That’s essentially why the internet was created. You may have heard rumors about Al Gore inventing it for military purposes... Lies!

Kirk Cameron in all his Growing Pains glory was the ideal crush. Unthreatening, goofy, good kid with very reasonable weekly conflicts. And a good smile. Always been a sucker for that.

There are some days of parenting that are magical, full of unicorns and four leaf clovers and lottery winnings. Those are the moments when I catch myself, just for a second, feeling content and happy and looking around trying to freeze things. Out of 7000 days, those maybe make up five a year.

I’m proud of you right now, even with all the sadness. Proud of you for heading to rehab, leaving the kids, the man, the house — all of it — to get on top of things. Doing it instead of just thinking about it, talking about it even, hemming and hawing? That’s pretty badass.

When did I discover that sterilization isn’t as cut and dry as it seems? While sitting in a hospital gown, signing my life away, awaiting surgery.

84% of full professors in America are White. In case you were unsure, that does not match the overall makeup of the country or the student body.

A haircut is a whole lot cheaper than therapy or tattoos or a round-the-world plane ticket.

If you kill a tortoise, even on accident, you probably shouldn’t have children.