Eliana Osborn

After years in apartments that should have been condemned, even these sad restroom facilities were vast improvements. And so we stayed, the husband and I, vaguely embarrassed when guests stayed over and commented on the bordello vibe of the bathroom.

Then we had a kid. No working bathtub suddenly seemed like a big deal. And the functional bathroom spaces weren’t places you’d want to hang out. There’s a lot of bathroom time once you’ve got tiny humans. (You’ve been warned.)

Really, you should thank me. I’m just protecting your future self.

If he were an a--hole to my kids, things would be easier. But he’s not. He’s good with them. He’s his best self. It makes me alternately happy and heartbroken.

I cried every single day of my life until I was 18 years old. I did not know this was abnormal.

I’ve developed a fast and furious passion for the new Daily Show host, Trevor Noah.

Perfectly Karaoke Or Lip Sync A Song: You may think this is less important than the other items on the list. You are wrong.

The most important things my mother taught me included work from Neil Diamond, Billy Joel, Wham! and Whitney Houston.

If you kill a tortoise, even on accident, you probably shouldn’t have children.

Baranta is a new martial art focusing on traditional folk dancing and activities.

For you, dear readers, who are thrilled with the teacher in your life — be it your own teacher, the instructor of your child, or even the person who does piano or karate — this list is for you.