7 Gifts For New Moms You Want To Hate You

WAAAHHHHH. Image: <a href="https://www.etsy.com/listing/261516465/baby-collar-clips-pins-brooches-cardigan?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=baby%20gift%20creepy&ref=sr_gallery_12">Etsy</a>

Sick of hearing about your friend's perfect pregnancy? Want to break up with them before the baby comes? Give one of these amazing gifts at the baby shower and you shouldn’t have to worry about this anymore.

Breast Milk Toothpicks

Image: <a data-cke-saved-href="https://www.etsy.com/listing/192250561/breast-milk-flavored-toothpicks-etsy?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=baby%20gift%20weird&ref=sr_gallery_1" href="https://www.etsy.com/listing/192250561/breast-milk-flavored-toothpicks-etsy?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=baby%20gift%20weird&ref=sr_gallery_1">Etsy</a>

Not sure what to say about this.  

Toy Placenta


Image: <a data-cke-saved-href="http://iheartguts.com/collections/plush-organs/products/new-placenta-plush-babys-first-roomate" href="http://iheartguts.com/collections/plush-organs/products/new-placenta-plush-babys-first-roomate">I Heart Guts</a>

After you push a baby out your lady parts, everyone wants a chance to relieve those special moments over and over. So instead of sending that new mom a teddy bear for the baby to snuggle, how about a stuffed placenta — including umbilical cord of course?

Baby Bangs

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Babies need to conform to societal beauty standards just like everyone else. That means having a hairstyle, even if there’s very little hair involved. 

3D Fetus

Image: <a data-cke-saved-href="http://www.wolfprint3d.com/3d-printed-unborn-baby-sculptures/" href="http://www.wolfprint3d.com/3d-printed-unborn-baby-sculptures/">Wolfprint 3D</a>

Take the most unflattering moment of a baby’s life and memorialize it so you can both remember. A good friend might buy this, but a great friend would buy this and a savings bond for therapy expenses later on down the road.

Crying Baby Jewelry

Image: <a data-cke-saved-href="https://www.etsy.com/listing/83133977/handmade-crying-baby-rose-pin-brooch?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=baby%20gift%20weird&ref=sr_gallery_18" href="https://www.etsy.com/listing/83133977/handmade-crying-baby-rose-pin-brooch?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=baby%20gift%20weird&ref=sr_gallery_18">Etsy</a>

Newborns don’t cry enough, obviously. That's why it's best to have reminders to stick to your clothing on the rare occasion you are able escape the house for 15 minutes.

Kidnapping Clothes

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Wouldn’t it be funny if you stole someone’s baby?  Ha ha! This onesie is in on the joke.

More Jewelry


Image: <a data-cke-saved-href="https://www.etsy.com/listing/261516465/baby-collar-clips-pins-brooches-cardigan?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=baby%20gift%20creepy&ref=sr_gallery_12" href="https://www.etsy.com/listing/261516465/baby-collar-clips-pins-brooches-cardigan?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=baby%20gift%20creepy&ref=sr_gallery_12">Etsy</a>

I’ve never seen a person wear collar clips, but adding babies to the mix doesn’t really add anything to that conversation.

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