Why I'm A Dom In The Streets But A Sub In The Sheets

Who we are in life is often not at all who we are in the bedroom. I am a total dom in the streets and a sub between the sheets.

I feel absolutely zero shame or embarrassment saying I am one hell of a badass bitch. I’m sure of myself and I know who I am. I know many will tell you this isn’t a good thing to be as a good woman.

I’m often called “intense” or a “lot to handle” or some other slightly veiled insult that would never be directed towards a man with the same demeanor.

I’m so sick of apologizing for being an alpha. It’s seriously bullshit. I’m a type A bitch and I'm proud of it. I am a dominant lady and it would be an unwise decison on your part to fuck with me. But, I digress.

What many who know me don’t know is that when it comes to sex, I am a submissive. I’m the girl who wants to be handcuffed to the bed and spanked, while my partner calls me a “slut” and a “whore.” I want my partner to spank me, pull my hair, and do me dirty.

And there ain’t nothing wrong with that, honey.

For some people, learning about this side of me is very jarring. They don’t understand it. "How can someone as strong and aggressive as you be into spanking and restraints? You’re a feminist, doesn’t that kind of sex play go completely against your core belief system? Aren’t you supposed to be empowering women, not subscribing to male dominance?"

These are things people want to know. Well, guess what? This isn’t as uncommon as you think. Who we are in life is often not at all who we are in the bedroom. I am a total dom in the streets and a sub between the sheets.

It doesn’t make me less of a feminist to be a sub during sex.

I am a strong woman and I am confident enough to know what I like and to ask for what I want.

Fantasy is often the very opposite of what you might actually want in real life. A rape fantasy feels like such a stark contrast to the things you normally believe in, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to find it hot during sex. You can fantasize about whatever you want. Kink is a sexy, safe way to explore your hottest dreams with someone you love and trust.

Good sex and a healthy fantasy life will benefit your overall relationship. As long as both parties are consensual and turned on by the fantasy, you can do whatever you want.

Yes, I like to get ballgagged and spanked with a whip, that doesn’t make me less of a feminist — it makes me comfortable with my identity as a feminist and a sexual woman, willing to push boundaries.

Who we are during sex is usually an attempt to break free of the everyday routine.

Sometimes our everyday persona can get quite exhausting. I’m a boss babe out in life — making deals, creating cool shit, and speaking up about a range of topics that I find important. Being an alpha is fabulous, but sometimes I want something else.

When it comes to getting laid, I just want to let go of all that tension and aggression for a little while. I want my usually reserved, sexy as hell partner to ravage my body like the sex god he is.

So much about sex is a consensual power exchange between partners. To relinquish that power (that I hold onto fiercely in every other aspect of my life) is a delight.

I want to do things in life and then have things done to me during sex.

I like to be really fucked during sex — totally, thoroughly, and completely. I want to be absolutely spent. And there is nothing wrong with that.

Anyone who tries to tell you that being a submissive in bed is a bad thing, just doesn’t know how amazing it can be. Or they don’t understand that it is a healthy expression of sexuality.

Letting go of all your stresses, all your to-do lists and projects; just letting your mind go free to focus on all the incredible and amazing things happening to your body is incredible. It’s like a form of therapy for me. It allows me to let go of so much tension and reconnect to my body on a deeper level.

I am doing all day long. I speak my mind and order people around. When it comes to sex, I don’t want to do things; I just want my wonderful, badass partner to own my body to the high heavens. There is nothing wrong with that. And it makes me feel hot as hell.

 
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