Why I Won't Let My Future Daughter Date Until She Knows Self-Love

"I want her self-esteem to be independent of anyone else."

Wonder Woman, Super Girl, Poison Ivy and other "Super" females are known for being mighty. Audiences recognize them for their shiny outfits and memorable powers, but many overlook the fact that most of their might likely stems from being single. 

Not to say that being in a relationship makes someone less capable, but these queens are probably so strong from having created a solid foundation of self-love to pull confidence from — sans boyfriend.

These super humans never need saving, or a male cheerleader on the sidelines, because they are inherently competent on their own. Their sparkling self-esteems are essential, and what I would want my future daughter to have before ever allowing her to date.

To me, my future child’s adolescence is a lot like wet cement. Her teenage years are when her main values and physical features will be plainly laid out, but things still need time to develop, and “dry.” 

So, if a guy were to come into my daughter’s life too early, namely before she fully formed her independence, there is a chance he might leave an ugly footprint on my baby girl’s self-worth. Knowing that people are not always permanent, I will discourage her from letting someone in until she is a complete, rounded person first, for the reasons listed below.

I want her pillows filled with feathers, not tears.

I don’t want my daughter up all night crying over someone who could probably care less about her. I am realistic, though; if she gets hurt, I expect her to cry and mourn the relationship. 

However, I would hope that she do so slightly longer than scratching her knee after falling off a bike, instead of hosting an unhealthy, months-on-end pity party. Moving on from someone is never easy, but as long as she loves herself, it’s surely doable. 

My hope is that if she loves herself, she will be able to let go with grace of people not meant for her. Knowing she doesn’t need a significant other, my future daughter will be accepting that she is significant enough on her own, if ever trouble arose in paradise.

I want her self-esteem to be independent of anyone else.

I never want my future daughter to become dependent on a man in any way, especially emotionally. Having my own heart cracked open a few times has taught me that you have to be your own person. I’ve learned the hard way not to lean too heavily on someone else because you just never know when that shoulder you’re resting your head on might suddenly jerk away. 

My baby girl shouldn’t rely on compliments from some dude to make her feel beautiful. Her own reflection should be her validation. 

I want her to be a warrior instead of a damsel.

My daughter should know how to self-soothe before knowing what it feels like to be comforted by a boyfriend. When troubles arise, I want her to be able to handle them without freaking out and feeling like she has to call her lover for a solution. She should have practice being her own solution, savior, and best friend before taking on a partner. 

If things go my way, my child is not going to be a Cinderella, she is going to be a Moana.

I want her to be successful before she’s sexual.

My daughter will not wait around for some guy to call her because I will teach her to be busy setting goals. Instead of relationship goals, I want her to write bucket lists, and instead of anniversary cards at 14, I’d rather her glue together dream boards. 

Unless you’re Cory and Topanga, relationships tend to be short-lived when young. Grades and values, however, are long-lasting and carry over into her future. Therefore, if parenthood goes my way, my daughter will develop the brains and building blocks of success long before she develops breasts and a menstrual cycle.

I want to save her from the mistakes I made.

During my time dating, I’ve learned many lessons the hard way, and like all parents, I hope to save my future baby from the heart-wrenching pain I endured. In this preventative way, I’d rather her know the taste of Pepto Bismol than experience heartburn. 

To do so, I don’t want to be strict or overbearing but will encourage her to prolong her dating life for as long as possible. Obviously, I don’t intend to restrict her forever or pry her out of someone’s arms, but I do hope she will take her time when it comes to growth and love because I’ve seen far too many toxic relationships form from an under-developed appreciation of one’s self. 

Ultimately, if I can protect my future daughter’s happiness, and prevent her from entering an unhealthy relationship, I will.

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