5 Things We All Do After A Terrible Breakup

"We are a species of over-thinkers. We love to torture ourselves and drown in depressing feelings. I don’t know why, but we do."

Breaking up is hard to do. Hence, the lyrics, right? That’s why there are songs devoted to the art of the breakup; that’s why so many Blockbuster hits are centered around relationships ending. No one makes it out OK of a breakup — not even the person who initiates the breakup is going to be 100% alright (despite what you or they say about it).

Breakups are emotionally charged experiences that leave us hollow and pretty messed up. It’s not to say we won’t come back better and stronger — we always do! But, we do some thoroughly toxic shit before we get to that place.

I remember the last awful, miserable breakup I experienced. I didn’t even like the dude that much, but going through the emotional taxation of ending things with someone who did NOT want me to end it with him was horrible. Breaking a heart or having your heart broken is no one’s favorite game (unless you are a robot or a low-key sociopath).

It’s nothing to worry yourself over. Trust me, we’ve all been there. We all do messed up things that make us feel better (or worse) when we’re upset and depressed.

Here are five things one might do after a terrible breakup:

Exile ourselves from humanity.

Sure, everyone has a different breakup style, but the vast majority of us wind up becoming shut-ins at some point in the breakup grieving process. Honestly, it feels both comforting and easy to shut yourself out of society and wrap yourself in a blanket.

After all, Netflix is never going to break your heart. Even John Snow wound up coming back from the dead.

The problem is, it’s not particularly healthy to stew in your tangle of misery and self-pity. When you spend multiple days basking in your agony, you wind up going a little nuts. Let’s be real: without sunlight and fresh air, you lose valuable, mood-enhancing vitamin D... and probably your sense of time. Humans aren’t meant to spend all their time indoors, and when you’re battling heartbreak, the need for company and the outdoors is all the more important.

But at least when you’re inside, tucked in your bed, crying your eyes out, you know every other heartbroken person is out there doing the same thing. It’s the little things, you know?

Drown our sorrows. In something.

Sometimes this means copious amounts of alcohol. We all have our poison when we’re feeling extra shitty. Maybe it's cookies, maybe it's video games. Maybe it's something heavier like drugs or alcohol — it doesn’t really matter. Sometimes we're just looking for a vacation from reality.

I don’t drink, so I wind up smoking too much pot when I’m sad, or binging Supernatural. (Most would say the latter is the healthier choice... But is it?)

Sometimes we just need to do something we find comforting or relieving to get away from our sad and miserable feelings. If you’re the one who did the breaking up, you don’t walk away unscathed, and you probably need soothing, too.

Sometimes it just feels good to do something bad for a little while.

Calling our ex and making a fool of ourselves.

OK, often this happens after you do #1 and/or #2 on this list. You fall into a hole, a pit of seemingly unending despair, and just forget about reality and pride altogether. Your sense of self-respect feels far less important than reaching out to your ex and telling him or her how much your miss yhem (even though you might not even really miss them — you’re just lonely). 

Unfortunately, most of the time we wind up feeling worse after this phone call than we did before. You always think it’s going to be a good, cathartic thing to call your ex, but it rarely (i.e., never) is.

We all get pretty crazy when we’re dealing with loneliness and heartbreak. It seems easier to find a salve than to wait out the hurt.

Blame ourselves for every single thing we did wrong.

There is no pain more poignant or intense than loving someone or wanting someone who doesn’t want you back. Inevitably, you end up convincing yourself you’re unlovable or flawed or terrible. Don’t worry, we’ve all been there.

We are a species of over-thinkers. We love to torture ourselves and drown in depressing feelings. I don’t know why, but we do.

Even when the relationship's end was OUR idea, you’ll find a way to blame yourself as some point or other. So, if you’re blaming yourself for everything that ended the relationship, going over every single detail wondering what you could have done differently, just remember that it would have ended no matter what you did. It wasn’t meant to be and so it ended.

I know, easier said than done, but still.

Relapse and sleep with our ex right when we were starting to move on.

This can also manifest as that dumb, dumb time we’ve all gone out and slept with some guy or girl we barely know because we thought getting under someone would help us get over someone. This doesn’t work for most of us. TBH, sometimes it does though, so you can never be sure if it will or won’t. 

Aren’t breakups super fun? *Cries hysterically*

 
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