Sex + Love

When I heard about the Ashley Madison hack, my heart sank. Not because any of my information would be released — but because I knew my husband’s would. Several years ago, my husband created an Ashley Madison account behind my back.

Nothing is private. Not online. Not now. Not anymore.

Then I found out that there were multiple other women, and Montgomery took money from all of them. Then I found out that Montgomery married the mother of the child 10 days after I left him, which was the second time he committed bigamy.

I’ll never get to really understand what it means to be wanted. My dating history will be filled by awkward half-hugs and nothing more.

I’ve heard a lot about this magical thing called “closure.” It sounds really great. My understanding of it is that, as time goes on, this person from the past becomes so distant that you no longer feel an emotional attachment. New romances fill the void left in your heart, and eventually this person who was once so significant suddenly becomes a blip on the screen.

Once someone has seen you at your best and your worst (in person and over a Skype screen) and they keep showing up no matter the odds that seem stacked against them, well, that's love, people. A true, deep, earth shattering love that's worth fighting hard for every single day.

Divorce is something most couples stumble into unexpectedly. You just can't prepare yourself for something like that, so when it happens just about everything feels unfamiliar and phony.

Forget everything you ever learned about sex. Whether perched stiffly in the classroom as your teacher prattled on about the finer points of copulation, listening incredulously to the stories your friends told in adolescence, or gleaning inferences from novels, television shows, or movies. There’s only one secret to fireworks in the bedroom.