Eliana Osborn

For you, dear readers, who are thrilled with the teacher in your life — be it your own teacher, the instructor of your child, or even the person who does piano or karate — this list is for you.

I’m not alone in being troubled by how people suddenly disappear in life, right? That’s essentially why the internet was created. You may have heard rumors about Al Gore inventing it for military purposes... Lies!

Sometimes the nicest kids turn into whole new people when they come over to your house.

...But not in the way you'd think.

Self-care is important. Massages are a good form of self-care. Too bad I keep thinking about what I'm going to make for dinner.

I look tired when I stay up too late. I also look tired if I get eight hours of sleep.

Your partner will make you want to throw up at some point. Pure, unadulterated disgust.

1. Borrow a child.

Really, you should thank me. I’m just protecting your future self.

Size, like age and salary and whatever else, is just a number. Pretending numbers don’t measure things isn’t helpful. I’m 38 years old: That isn’t good or bad, but it IS different from being 18 or 50.