Eliana Osborn

Your partner will make you want to throw up at some point. Pure, unadulterated disgust.

After this, I’m not going to be able to complain about Meghan Trainor and having to teach my son that "All About That Bass" is talking about girls with big booties.

I always have a small piece of my brain on mom mode, no matter what else is happening. I have no problem with this, since that is how humanity has survived.

We take weekend turns. He does vacations and summers. Literally. He takes them away. It is great.

I cried every single day of my life until I was 18 years old. I did not know this was abnormal.

What’s That Smell? Sniffing Out Weird House Odors

Size, like age and salary and whatever else, is just a number. Pretending numbers don’t measure things isn’t helpful. I’m 38 years old: That isn’t good or bad, but it IS different from being 18 or 50.

I’ve got two tales of hideous male behavior — at the elementary school, somewhere typically full of good vibes and happiness and all that.

There are some days of parenting that are magical, full of unicorns and four leaf clovers and lottery winnings. Those are the moments when I catch myself, just for a second, feeling content and happy and looking around trying to freeze things. Out of 7000 days, those maybe make up five a year.

A haircut is a whole lot cheaper than therapy or tattoos or a round-the-world plane ticket.