Eliana Osborn

A haircut is a whole lot cheaper than therapy or tattoos or a round-the-world plane ticket.

...But not in the way you'd think.

Look, Connect Four is not a good game. But it can be over quickly, which is pretty great.

Your partner will make you want to throw up at some point. Pure, unadulterated disgust.

I’m not a fan of repeating things over and over so that they lose their meaning. "Pledge: a solemn promise or agreement." It is that extra level, the solemnity, that makes me uncomfortable with casual usage.

Really, you should thank me. I’m just protecting your future self.

I’m a sucker for an interesting woman, so Notorious RBG is obviously my sort of book.

Kirk Cameron in all his Growing Pains glory was the ideal crush. Unthreatening, goofy, good kid with very reasonable weekly conflicts. And a good smile. Always been a sucker for that.

How do you love someone who continually does things to hurt himself? I’ve been holding a phone with my stoned, sobbing brother on the other end for nearly 20 years. I keep picking up the pieces, keep having my heart break, because he’s my brother.

I look tired when I stay up too late. I also look tired if I get eight hours of sleep.