Jody Allard

ICYMI, everyone's favorite drunk uncle Donald Trump announced that he's in favor of banning all Muslims from the United States –– including American citizens who leave the country for terrorist-loving activities like going on vacation.

In today's WTF science news, two separate studies suggest that modern allergies may stem from long ago human-Neanderthal sex. Thanks, Obama.

"I don't know what I was smoking in June, but it's August now. I've bonded with my kids until we can't bond anymore, and I'm thisclose to booking a one-way ticket to anywhere but here. I love my kids dearly, but I appreciate them even more when I have time to myself, too. I think that's called balance, and I'm pretty sure it's a good thing."

The pair has pledged to donate 99 percent of their Facebook shares over the course of their lifetime, which currently amount to about $45 billion. You know, just some pocket change.

We're giving you some of that judgmental side eye right back, Chris.

In 1997, Kenny and Bobbi McCaughey made history when they welcomed the first set of surviving septuplets to the world. Now, 18 years later, as the septuplets prepare to leave the nest, the world has only one question: "How the hell did we all get so old?"

If you're anything like me, your first coffee of the morning is just a warm-up for your next cup of coffee. But now, thanks to the wonders of science, you can chug those buckets of joe guilt-free because coffee may actually make you live longer!

Nothing says "Peace On Earth" like women bound and gagged, am I right? Believe it or not, that's exactly the premise behind a family's Christmas card gone horribly awry.

ICYMI amongst the chorus of outrage over Donald Trump's latest round of racist comments, the Supreme Court is hearing oral arguments this week in Fisher v. the University of Texas, a landmark case challenging the use of race in college admissions –– and Justice Scalia just lost his goddamn mind.

"Ultimately, it doesn't matter much whether Bland killed herself or was murdered. In both cases, she died because she was hauled into custody for a minor offense that didn't really even merit being pulled over to begin with. Maybe her head injury led to uncharacteristic behavior, or maybe the traumatic arrest triggered a severe PTSD episode, or maybe someone flat out killed her. But, in every case, she died because she was in that police cell."