Jody Allard

Former President Jimmy Carter announced that his most recent scans showed no evidence of cancer, and he may owe his rapid response to science.

One White House staffer took off his gloves, shredded them, and lit their tattered remains on fire when he told reporters that Trump's comments "disqualified him" from the presidency and that his candidacy will soon be relegated to the "dustbin of history."

To further emphasize what can only be described as a batshitcrazy level of hypocrisy, a petition has been started on change.org to ensure that Davis receives the Biblical treatment for her own "misdeeds" –– stoning. While I wouldn't go quite that far, the point is taken. Multiple other petitions have also been started to remove her from office.

A Target spokesperson has confirmed that a Chicago neighborhood will soon be the lucky recipient of a brand spanking new Target –– complete with a BAR. That has ALCOHOL.

It's Election Day AND National Sandwich Day today and, somehow, I feel like these important two events must be related.

No one is currently in a position to mandate a one-size-fits-all vaccine policy.

As a former English lit major and long-time editor, I've met my share of linguistics pedants. Today is not their day. But for everyone else who appreciates the natural evolution of language, rejoice! Singular "they" was just named 2015's Word of the Year.

"It's simple, really. If you can muddy the waters enough, and espouse concern for the rights of those poor defenseless embryos enough, what should be a simple statement about the rights of women to make choices for their own bodies becomes, instead, a convoluted argument around viability and fetal stages that puts the presumed "rights" of fetuses on an equal footing with the actual rights of adult women."

Before you run to the bathroom to puke out your human DNA containing hot dog while sobbing over delicious bacon, let me clear up a few misconceptions.

The more I told him that something hurt me, the more that he did it.