Jody Allard

"I don't know what I was smoking in June, but it's August now. I've bonded with my kids until we can't bond anymore, and I'm thisclose to booking a one-way ticket to anywhere but here. I love my kids dearly, but I appreciate them even more when I have time to myself, too. I think that's called balance, and I'm pretty sure it's a good thing."

Former Republican presidential candidate Bob Dole endorsed Jeb Bush for president today, leaving the world scratching their heads and expressing their surprise that Dole is actually still alive.

I don't believe that you're incapable of treating me and my friends with compassion. Maybe you just need a little help.

If imagining the Oregon militia huddled together for warmth now that the Feds have cut off their power fills you with Brokeback Mountain inspired nostalgia, you aren't alone.

"I think he has to answer for what he says, and I assume that others will make the larger point about his language. It’s not the first time he’s demonstrated a penchant for sexism. Again, I’m not sure anybody’s surprised that he keeps pushing the envelope," said Clinton.

9. Use Timeouts—For Yourself!

If you're anything like me, your first coffee of the morning is just a warm-up for your next cup of coffee. But now, thanks to the wonders of science, you can chug those buckets of joe guilt-free because coffee may actually make you live longer!

You're 15 years old now. You're not a little girl anymore—even though you wish you were, just a little bit.

When Belgian police asked for a social media blackout of their anti-terrorist operations over the weekend, they got what they wanted in the most Internet way possible –– the hashtag #BrusselsLockdown was quickly taken over by cat pictures.