Jody Allard

Jody Allard

Bio

Jody Allard is a former techie turned freelance writer living in Seattle. Her online work has appeared on Time, xoJane, and Offbeat Home, among others. She writes primarily about food, family, mothering, and life with a chronic illness. 

Jody Allard Articles

Put Away That Selfie Stick, Selfies Now Kill More People Than Sharks

You are more likely to DIE while taking a selfie than in a shark attack, according to a new report.

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In Honor Of Election Day, Get Your Vote AND Your Sandwich On

It's Election Day AND National Sandwich Day today and, somehow, I feel like these important two events must be related.

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5 Times The World Told Trump Where To Shove It This Week

One White House staffer took off his gloves, shredded them, and lit their tattered remains on fire when he told reporters that Trump's comments "disqualified him" from the presidency and that his candidacy will soon be relegated to the "dustbin of history."

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Paul Ryan Earns "Lean In" Award, Still Doesn't Care About Your Family Time

Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg, author of The Rich White Woman's Guide To Succeeding Within The Patriarchy Lean In,

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image: New York magazine

The Cosby Rape Case Took 35 Women To Drown Out One Man's Lies

"The thing about trauma is that it is hard to remember many of the details, even though some of them remain eternally etched in your memory. I will never forget the pattern of my friend's curtains that I stared at all night long, willing the sun to rise so I could go home, and I will also never forget staring at the white liquid in my underwear and then standing in the shower, trying to burn away my skin, until the water became icy cold."

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Ben Carson Declares Muslims Unfit For Presidency, Apparently Can't Comprehend The Constitution

Carson's comments came in response to the shitshow that was Trump's campaign rally last week, where an attendee asked a question about how Trump would handle the "problem" that is Muslims in America, and incorrectly stated that President Obama is Muslim. Frankly, it doesn't matter what religion the president adopts, if any, but it's long since been settled that Obama is, in fact, Christian.

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Twitter Turns Oregon Militia Into Brokeback Mountain Inspired Erotica

If imagining the Oregon militia huddled together for warmth now that the Feds have cut off their power fills you with Brokeback Mountain inspired nostalgia, you aren't alone.

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Holidays without your mother are hard.

Surviving The Holidays When You’re Estranged From Your Mother

It’s been three years since I divorced my mother. The reasons are long and complicated, yet also short and simple. My mother is not capable of mothering anyone, and I am healthier and happier without her.

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