Joni Edelman

In today's HELLO, OBVIOUSLY news: National Coffee Day.

Our relationship has been a little complicated. I've loved you a lot, and I've loathed you at least that much, but mostly you've just gone unnoticed. Except for those 5 to 7 days every four weeks when you made your presence quite evident, what with the river of life blood and the random excruciating, and from what I can tell, unnecessary, contractions.

[CN: suicide, overdose] Gratitude stops me from ending my life, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting to end my life. Even the fierce love I have for my family doesn’t mean I don’t feel utterly hopeless sometimes.

How do I raise a boy to love and respect all women regardless of size in a world where he is bombarded with images of what is attractive?

Look, I'm not saying McDonald's did this themselves, I'm just saying, a lot of the people that work there probably agree.

You do not have to hate your body — but you don’t have to love it either. While I'm happy with my fat body, I miss being thin.

In honor of World Bipolar Day, I present a sample stream of consciousness based on my experiences living with this disorder.

Oh hey remember that time in 1804 when Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton had an actual duel, with actual guns and Burr shot Hamilton and Hamilton did not shoot Burr. And then the next day Hamilton died.

Good news: they'll probably grow out of it. Bad news: probably not until they are 23.

My cocktail is wrong. It’s a gin and tonic with only gin. It’s a martini with 10 olives. And I can’t stand the sun. Not today. Not this month.