Joni Edelman

The Cabbage Soup Diet, aka The "Torture” Diet. You just put cabbage in water and cook it. And you eat it. All day. It is not good. You will still be hungry, and farting — very smelly, paint-peeling farting.

With the help of the midwife—and immense effort on my part—Ella finally slid out into the water. But she was limp, pale. It was scary.

91% of women report dissatisfaction with their body. Ninety-one. I know you know math—that’s 9/10 of women.

“I don’t even know what to say, Joni. Your baby isn’t alive.”

When I was little, any time I got an insect bite or stubbed my toe, I had to ask my mom, “Am I going to die? If I was going to die from this, I’d already be dead — right?” I also had a 30-minute prayer that I needed to say at each meal or else everyone would be poisoned and die. And corners. I had to check all of them before I went to bed.

The argument against homeschooling is always the same: “Kids need to socialize.”

I'll never forget the day I discovered the name for my mental illness.

My cocktail is wrong. It’s a gin and tonic with only gin. It’s a martini with 10 olives. And I can’t stand the sun. Not today. Not this month.

I guess the point of a spiritual awakening is just that; if you were already awake, you wouldn’t need a moment that was self-defining. You’d already be defined.

My husband and I recently traveled together without our kids for the first time . . . in a while. And it was a brand-new ball game.