Kate Ryan

Hollywood continues to flounder in a dick-sucking frenzy of self-congratulatory white male directors, writers, and producers.

I would send some chocolates, but I’m not allowed anymore since they found the shiv in the birthday cake I sent you.

One crawled up the side of the bag and opened her wings, a hardtop convertible with legs.

Eva, having stayed up the whole night preoccupied with death and time, planned to call in sick.

Alison learned from her grandmother how a plastic smile could take you places—especially in a place like Hollywood.

12:48 AM. Why would someone schedule an exorcism for the middle of a weeknight?

Motherhood is easily the toughest, most sacred job on earth. Without moms, the human race simply wouldn’t be here. But personally, I’d rather dangle myself from dental floss over a volcano full of spiders than push another human being out of my body.

I have no choice but to start all over again, tomorrow or not at all.

For all of you crazy people that think going to Target is ever a good idea during the holiday season, this is a list on how to survive a shopping trip to Target is for you…

Light some candles and use those bath salts you've been saving for a special occasion. Masturbate for 55 minutes.