Kate Ryan

Everyone wants to have the funny tweets because people equate them with wealth, power, and beauty. The problem is, we’re not all funny.

One of my biggest fears is having a random stranger ask me, "how it’s going?" They might as well ask if I’d like to step into their van and get murdered.

12:48 AM. Why would someone schedule an exorcism for the middle of a weeknight?

Eva, having stayed up the whole night preoccupied with death and time, planned to call in sick.

At Monster High, Jimmy Werewolf gets another demerit for forgetting to shave again.

“Don’t you smash that cake in my face, or I’ll never forgive you,” she said, and she never did, not really.

Alison learned from her grandmother how a plastic smile could take you places—especially in a place like Hollywood.

One crawled up the side of the bag and opened her wings, a hardtop convertible with legs.

I would send some chocolates, but I’m not allowed anymore since they found the shiv in the birthday cake I sent you.

Alma couldn’t understand why her Yelp reviews were so dismal. She didn’t advertise herself as a magician. She was a hair stylist.