Kate Ryan

She closed in on the open pores enlarged ten times their normal size by a high magnification pocket mirror.

She gropes for attention while he dies in the other room.

The birds abandon their posts in the pepper trees, sending tiny, oblong leaves raining to the ground.

The Gap come autumn: where normcore and film noir cleverly collide.

For all of you crazy people that think going to Target is ever a good idea during the holiday season, this is a list on how to survive a shopping trip to Target is for you…

My tights are cutting me in half at the waist . . . just like a sausage in its casing.

I saw my old babysitter at a women’s wrestling cage match.

We’ve all been there. Your boyfriend has a raging boner, but you’re just not in the mood to do anything with it. But how do you tell him to tone that boner down and quick? No need to worry. Here are ten simple, foolproof ways to kill that boner in ten seconds—or less—while keeping your man’s ego rock-hard.

For the record, I didn’t mean to be born so tall. I didn’t ask for bulky shoulders or a head that doesn’t fit most hats.

He thought I was mad, but in an artistic way; I thought he was horny all the time, but in an artistic way.