Kate Ryan

Hollywood continues to flounder in a dick-sucking frenzy of self-congratulatory white male directors, writers, and producers.

The bread had to be store-bought and white, of course, so as not to raise a red flag among my classmates. I still see rebellion in a ham sandwich.

LAX, on the other hand, seemed like a perfect place to pick up the latest deadly virus.

12:48 AM. Why would someone schedule an exorcism for the middle of a weeknight?

I saw my old babysitter at a women’s wrestling cage match.

Okay, so maybe she didn’t really understand feminism.

Eva, having stayed up the whole night preoccupied with death and time, planned to call in sick.

"No self-respecting journalist or publication would ever hire someone who employs the word 'sh--' as a title for anything."

Light some candles and use those bath salts you've been saving for a special occasion. Masturbate for 55 minutes.

You could take this easy, informative quiz to find out with whom you side on important legislative issues and social policies. Or you could go my route and pick your candidate based on what dinosaur they resemble.