Kate Ryan

I saw my old babysitter at a women’s wrestling cage match.

For the record, I didn’t mean to be born so tall. I didn’t ask for bulky shoulders or a head that doesn’t fit most hats.

He thought I was mad, but in an artistic way; I thought he was horny all the time, but in an artistic way.

Motherhood is easily the toughest, most sacred job on earth. Without moms, the human race simply wouldn’t be here. But personally, I’d rather dangle myself from dental floss over a volcano full of spiders than push another human being out of my body.

As an Uber driver, I have the privilege of talking to and eavesdropping on a sampling of L.A.’s finest, ranging from the clinically insane to the simply self-absorbed. As a writer, there is no end to the amount of inspiration my passengers provide.

“You are the naked girl on horse, yes?” he said, approaching her table from across the café patio.

Someone would always cook in their tighty whities, his package at eye level for the person doing French homework at the kitchen table.

For all of you crazy people that think going to Target is ever a good idea during the holiday season, this is a list on how to survive a shopping trip to Target is for you…

I would send some chocolates, but I’m not allowed anymore since they found the shiv in the birthday cake I sent you.

Eva, having stayed up the whole night preoccupied with death and time, planned to call in sick.