Rebekah Kuschmider

So — who is everyone thinking about when they masturbate? The sex toy company We-Vibe wanted to find out, so they asked 1,000 people who their favorite celeb fantasies were.

CANCER NEEDS TO KEEP ITS GRUBBY MITTS OFF OF OUR ARTISTIC LEGENDS, DAMMIT.

Last night, Donald Trump’s pick for Secretary of Education was in the hot seat during her confirmation hearing.

“You know, in my next life, when I come back, I want to be someone in the WTA because they ride on the coattails of the men. They don't make any decisions, and they are lucky. They are very, very lucky. If I was a lady player, I'd go down every night on my knees and thank God that Roger Federer and Rafa Nadal were born because they have carried this sport. They really have.”

ERMERGERD! ERLEXANDER HERMILTON!

The Iowa state House of Representatives advanced a bill yesterday that would make it lawful for children to use hand guns, with the direct supervision of parents.

There’s another entrepreneur out there who wants to teach us to masturbate better, too. And they’re ready to send smart-tech into our vaginas to make it happen.

There’s more backstory to all of this, I’m certain, but I’m a 42 year old white lady who listens to show tunes on the treadmill, so hip hop beefs are a little over my head.

I’ve never read the Quran or attended a Mosque, but I’m pretty certain that if anyone had the chance to speak directly with the god Allah or the Prophet Muhammad, they would not be saying “Bitches be crazy, yo. Keep them bitches down.”

One hopes that the tweet was composed by a 19-year-old intern who thought it would make his frat buddies laugh when he goes back for the fall semester. One also hopes that an adult sent said intern packing the minute he clicked “tweet.”