Rebekah Kuschmider

What do you get when you cross that Kitty Collector app with a sex toy? Remoji!

In other words, you can’t cut off a source of health care because you got all wee-wee’d up about a sketchy video.

So, who is more actively feminist this week? Ivanka, who can’t articulate a White House policy for bettering the lives of women? Or Beyoncé, who is shelling out big bucks to better the lives of women?

Hopeful readers, may I present to you, the three-time mayor of Cormorant, Minnesota: DUKE!

Do you want a man known for calling people “losers” to be sitting at a table with all the major economic powers in the world and trying to work out international trade deals or arms agreements? Or do you think he’d offend everyone in the room so much that he’d turn us into a global pariah?

I was all set to write a lighthearted piece here about KFC’s new line of flavored nail polish. Yes, you did read that right. KFC has a line of nail polishes that come in “original recipe” and “hot and spicy” and they would LITERALLY make your nails finger lickin’ good. I mean OMG! Sadly, they’re only available in Hong Kong.

You know how humans sometimes put out in order to pay their rent? Well, penguins put out to get building materials for their nests.

Yesterday, Donald J.

They unmanned a man using manhood. They dicked the dick.

There are bedtime stories, and then there are bed time stories. Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge — know what I mean?