Rebekah Kuschmider

If your marriage is anything like mine, your text history with your spouse is a mixture of topics, often several at once. It’s not unheard of for me and my husband to be flirting in one text and talking about what time our son’s soccer game is in the next — and those texts minute be sent seconds apart.

Follow these tips and you will look well-rested, you will not have camel toe, your underwire won’t poke you in the armpit, your hair will smell nice, your knuckles might not crack in the cold weather, and you will have enough money leftover for icing and sprinkles for the next absurd elementary school party. Huzzah!

Underpants are how you dress your CLITORIS! Your clitoris desires something fancy, don’t you think? Something soft and slinky or lacy and feminine or red and racy.

This past weekend, a dog wandering the streets of Elkmont, AL came across a half marathon and started trotting along with the runners.

The race itself was anti-climactic because it wasn’t a race. It was basically two heats of a race. First, scientists convinced a wild great white to chase a hunk of fake seal meat for 100 meters so they could time it. Then Phelps donned a specially designed shark suit and swam the exact same route.

To see a performer — a male performer, at that — stand up and call out groping like that? I want to scream "F*CK YEAH!" and buy that guy a drink after the show.

Chelsea Clinton took the time to pen an eye-opening essay for Well and Good about the lack of support for girls and women during menstruation and breastfeeding.

Is there anything better than baby animals? No, there is not. Baby animals are the best.

President Obama plans to visit a mosque in Baltimore, MD. He’s going there to speak about the problems associated with global anti-Islamic bigotry and to promote religious tolerance. He delivered a similar message about anti-Semitism at the Israeli embassy last week.

According to parents, the children were on a field trip to the botanical garden when they met Fiorina at the Koi pond. The former HP CEO then gave them campaign stickers and led them off to another room, where she arranged them as pro-life set dressing.