Rebekah Kuschmider

Mr. Rogers famously told us all to look for the helpers in times of great stress. Well, this is a time of great stress and I found a helper — specifically, a little dog in Australia who is helping this boy.

In the wake of Charlottesville, the Clooney Foundation has pledged a million dollars to the Southern Poverty Law Center. Though details of the project have not been released yet, a statement from the SPLC indicates that the donation will serve to build their capacity to combat hate groups.

I got a puppy last fall, and I’ve spent about a zillion dollars on different things for her to chew. She really likes bully sticks, which are dehydrated bull penises. It cracks me up every time I give one to her and say, “Here. Go eat a dick.”

Now, listen. I know that anything that happens in 45 minutes with an aesthetician isn't going to be wizardry. It might not even be noticeable. But I also know that I am not very good at treating myself to nice things that involve sitting down and letting other people take care of me.

There’s a new drug hitting the hottest clubs in Europe, and I suspect it’ll soon cross the pond to America. Or maybe it’s already here — in your cabinet, desk drawer, or the end-caps at your grocery store.

ERMERGERD! ERLEXANDER HERMILTON!

Based on the leaks, the FBI started investigating the president for potential obstruction after he fired former FBI director, James Comey. Trump said outright that he did that because of the Russia investigation. The FBI is apparently taking him at his word.

There is no word yet if Fisher is bringing her dog Gary to the event. (We sure hope so.)

There is now a sex toy called the Sqweel that looks like a cross between an Epilady and something you would find at a craft store, maybe in the rubber stamp section. It’s supposed to look like a wheel of tongues, but honestly? I think it could also be used to paint borders on decorative plates or something.

The truth is out there, and only one presidential candidate wants you to know what it is. And that candidate is Hillary Clinton!