Rebekah Kuschmider

Not too many people would talk about childbirth and say, “Longer labor? More pushing?

“I wouldn’t have sex with you if you were the last man on earth!”

Everyone has that one friend who shows up uninvited, drinks all the beer, then passes out and won’t leave until someone threatens to call the cops. Someone like that crashed a camping trip in Baker Lake, WA recently and made a real spectacle of himself.

You can’t deal either, can you? Of course you can’t. So listen: let’s stop talking about this scum-sucking-bottom-feeder and focus on something happy. Like a puppy finding a home and a job.

Your dog was destined to be your best friend. It’s SCIENCE.

Evidently, the man reached the security checkpoint of the Visitors Center and pulled a gun on the security force, whose job it is to prevent people with guns from infiltrating the Capitol complex and taking out US lawmakers. They shot the guy and sent him off to the the hospital for surgery. His condition is currently unknown.

One thing that is absolutely true is that Donald Trump insults everyone. He’s been loser-ing and dummy-ing his way across the slate of GOP presidential hopefuls for months now. It’s actually jaw-droppingly awful, because it’s pretty evident that he insults EVERYONE. He can’t pull it together enough to be polite under any circumstance, which means he would turn a state dinner into a Real Housewives-style table-turning circus. In fact, I could see him calling Netanyahu a “prostitution whore” and that terrifies me.

BREAKING NEWS –– or maybe epic flashback? I don’t know what to call this exactly.

One escort interviewed said she was changing $620 PER HOUR for the “girlfriend experience,” which includes taking her to films and walking the red carpet at events. She has a strict 4- and 5-star hotel policy. No yacht parties though, for safety reasons.

First of all, it seems practically criminal that they don’t call the device a joystick. I mean, really? Really.