Rebekah Kuschmider

If you are trans, living in Cali

If you happen to be on the University of Texas, Austin campus on Wednesday, August 24th, be prepared to rock out with your cock out. Well, your dildo out.

It’s true. There are goats in Morocco who climb argan trees, eat their fruit, and then expel the seeds so that new argan trees can grow.

Yesterday, the big news in food science was that BUTTER ISN’T BAD FOR YOU AFTER ALL! It turns out that butter, like other saturated fats, isn’t the health demon-food that we were once told it was. I think now we’re supposed to do Kermit-arms and dance around rejoicing that we can butter our toast with impunity.

6 months ago, a Facebook video about calling Congress wouldn’t have been viral, but here we are. This is what we have to do.

The First Amendment of the Constitution guarantees every citizen the right to petition the government for redress of grievances. Notably, there are no instructions for exactly how to petition the government, and no limits on what kind of grievances for which citizens may seek redress. Which is why it’s totally constitutional and patriotic that a lady lit into Florida Governor Rick Scott in a Starbucks.

Disney is a pretty LGBTQ-friendly company. They hire LGBTQ people, offer them good benefits, and refuse to make movies in states that don’t treat LGBTQ folks right. The only thing they haven’t done yet is make any major characters in their movies gay. There was that one scene in Frozen where Oaken (the guy with the trading post) gestured to his family and it appeared that his partner was also a guy, so that was cool. But gay princes or princesses? Not yet.

You all know what that means, right? Matching “Thank you for being a friend” t-shirts and “Picture it! Sicily, 1932!” tote bags for everyone! Wheeee! Oh, and cheesecake. So much cheesecake!

The race itself was anti-climactic because it wasn’t a race. It was basically two heats of a race. First, scientists convinced a wild great white to chase a hunk of fake seal meat for 100 meters so they could time it. Then Phelps donned a specially designed shark suit and swam the exact same route.

Anyone who has ever lived with a dog knows the joy of having your best friend greet you at the door every time you come home. Or return from getting the mail. Or walk out of the shower.