Rebekah Kuschmider

In other words, you can’t cut off a source of health care because you got all wee-wee’d up about a sketchy video.

And you can even bring your dog to the dog!

You might know that they call six-toed cats Hemmingways. But what do they call four-eared cats? Well, in the case of one such kitty in Pennsylvania, they call him… Batman.

Not all heroes wear capes. Some of them wear tight black t-shirts.

The First Amendment of the Constitution guarantees every citizen the right to petition the government for redress of grievances. Notably, there are no instructions for exactly how to petition the government, and no limits on what kind of grievances for which citizens may seek redress. Which is why it’s totally constitutional and patriotic that a lady lit into Florida Governor Rick Scott in a Starbucks.

The race itself was anti-climactic because it wasn’t a race. It was basically two heats of a race. First, scientists convinced a wild great white to chase a hunk of fake seal meat for 100 meters so they could time it. Then Phelps donned a specially designed shark suit and swam the exact same route.

We all spoil our pets, right? I’m certainly guilty of it. My dog’s favorite things are bully sticks, which are literally dried bull penises. They cost about $1 a pop and that’s kind of splurge for an animal who can amuse herself by licking her own butt.

Can you believe it’s only been eight weeks since Trump took office? That’s not even a full school marking period.

In a world shrunken down to the size of a phone screen, we don’t always even connect with another person’s eyes. Going someplace to touch and be touched might reaffirm our humanity.

CANCER NEEDS TO KEEP ITS GRUBBY MITTS OFF OF OUR ARTISTIC LEGENDS, DAMMIT.