Rebekah Kuschmider

While most of the region was huddled in their homes with hot beverages and endless blizzard coverage, some intrepid Senators and their staffs made their way to the Capitol to gavel in a session of the Senate. And who were these dedicated public servants? I’ll tell you one thing: they weren’t men.

In the midst of a week that’s been rife with sadness and confusion, I am pleased to present to you a story that is unequivocally happy. A fairy tale ending, if you will.

No word on whether Hill-dawg herself is a fan of crullers or jelly-filled.

The Congressional baseball game has been happening for over 100 years. It is a highlight of summer among Beltway folks. And during this morning's practice, some fuckwit opened fire. And he shot people who could have been my husband, or any of his bosses, or any of his coworkers, or any of our myriad friends on the Hill. And I am shattered.

If you could get your period to last only 20 minutes, would you?

I can’t speak for all feminists but I don’t have any guns for two reasons. First, I don’t hunt because I don’t want to eat any of the kinds of meat one can shoot in my region. Second, I have little kids. I know some people think having a gun around is a great way to protect little kids from potential threats but I see them as threats in and of themselves.

Gigi Hadid would like you to know that unwanted touching is not acceptable.

Wanna vape? You’re gonna need ID for that.

For those who imbibe, a glass of wine can be a lovely way to relax at the end of the day. Just stretch out with your cat, have a few sips of vino and let your cares roll off you.

ERMERGERD! ERLEXANDER HERMILTON!