Rebekah Kuschmider

Have you ever wanted to have sex like Gwyneth Paltrow? Me neither, but she has finally turned her attention — and the latest issue of Goop — to telling us all about sex in the Paltrow-verse. I rushed right over and read it so you don’t have to.

Can you name a WNBA team in your state? Do you know the name of a top woman golfer? Did you know it took Venus Williams digging her heels in to get equal prize money for men and women at Wimbledon and that didn’t happen until 2007. Venus Williams! Getting paid less than a dude! VENUS WILLIAMS!

Ever feel sick of it all? Want to run away from home?

The phenomenon of people distributing sexual images of videos of others without their consent is horrifying and life-destroying for victims, who often have no legal recourse.

Periods happen. They just do. This is neither a good thing nor a bad thing. It’s just a thing. Like how hunger happens, or or a sneeze happens. It’s a body thing that… happens.

If you ever wanted proof that the moral arc of the universe always lands in the right place, we have only to consider the fate of internet shock-jo

Let this be known as the Great Mammogram Gotcha Moment of 2015. Not for the antis, mind you. For us feminists. All we need to explain this little hiccup in the Planned Parenthood defense is a little basic knowledge of medicine.

“Wait,” you’re saying. “Was that ever a question? How many votes are we supposed to get? I only get one. Is there a BOGO sale on votes somewhere? Why is this before the Supreme Court at all?”

So far, he’s raised $43,000 to produce his gizmo, which looks like a cross between a pacifier and foot massaging insole. You hold the end of it in your mouth and use the “tongue” to… well… lick your cat.

“Sometimes a lady has to be told when she’s being nasty.”