Rebekah Kuschmider

You can’t deal either, can you? Of course you can’t. So listen: let’s stop talking about this scum-sucking-bottom-feeder and focus on something happy. Like a puppy finding a home and a job.

The First Amendment of the Constitution guarantees every citizen the right to petition the government for redress of grievances. Notably, there are no instructions for exactly how to petition the government, and no limits on what kind of grievances for which citizens may seek redress. Which is why it’s totally constitutional and patriotic that a lady lit into Florida Governor Rick Scott in a Starbucks.

In other words, you can’t cut off a source of health care because you got all wee-wee’d up about a sketchy video.

30% of girls who took purity pledges experienced pregnancy before marriage. To put that into perspective: only 18% of non-pledgers experienced pregnancy before marriage.

As if you needed another reason to love England’s Prince William, he just became the first member of the Royal Family to appear on the cover of an LGBT publication!

There is a product on the market called The Little Rooster that you tuck into your undies at night, and in the morning, it starts vibrating on your clitoris to wake you up.

The revolution will be tweeted. By scientists.

Do you - or your child - want a Hatchimal for this holiday gift giving season? Well, guess what?! You probably can’t have one!

Normally, when I think of invasive species, I get a pretty grim picture in my mind. The wilds of Florida are no stranger to terrifying invasive species either — 16 foot Burmese pythons, anyone? — but their latest case of exotic pets gone feral is less horror-movie and more “ZOMG I WANT TO SNUGGLE THEM!”

Hey, Potterheads! Have you preordered your copy of Harry Potter and the Cursed Child yet? Or bought tickets to see it in London? Does the wait for new Potter installments seem interminable? Well, fear not, wizards and muggles! There is magic afoot, and it’s happening right here on the shores of the US of A!