Rebekah Kuschmider

One hopes that the tweet was composed by a 19-year-old intern who thought it would make his frat buddies laugh when he goes back for the fall semester. One also hopes that an adult sent said intern packing the minute he clicked “tweet.”

(Sidebar: anyone who puts baby cats in a bag and tosses them in the trash does not deserve to keep breathing the same air as normal kitty-loving people.)

Follow these tips and you will look well-rested, you will not have camel toe, your underwire won’t poke you in the armpit, your hair will smell nice, your knuckles might not crack in the cold weather, and you will have enough money leftover for icing and sprinkles for the next absurd elementary school party. Huzzah!

I can’t use this space today for quirky news blurbs. Instead, I want to remind us all of our fundamental right to have the America we want — and how we can get it.

You're probably also secretly wondering what a caucus is, as you likely live in a state that does primary elections instead of the more complicated caucus process.

The First Amendment of the Constitution guarantees every citizen the right to petition the government for redress of grievances. Notably, there are no instructions for exactly how to petition the government, and no limits on what kind of grievances for which citizens may seek redress. Which is why it’s totally constitutional and patriotic that a lady lit into Florida Governor Rick Scott in a Starbucks.

PornHub has announced the upcoming launch of BangFit, a phone app that — you guessed it — helps you get fit by banging.

Aside from the physical and psychological toll these injuries take, they also leave many combat veterans unable to have children without medical assistance. The problem becomes even more complicated when they discover that the VA doesn’t cover IVF.

Would a llama really take out a lynx? The Lynx Trust says yes, but sheep farmers remain unconvinced. While no ruling has been made on lynx or llama introduction, the winner of this battle royale may end up being the sheep that fuel the local economy and many a Sunday dinner.

Yesterday, in the year 2016, the first Black woman Attorney General of the United States of America handed a White, conservative Southern governor his ass on live TV. And it was splendid.