Rebekah Kuschmider

Follow these tips and you will look well-rested, you will not have camel toe, your underwire won’t poke you in the armpit, your hair will smell nice, your knuckles might not crack in the cold weather, and you will have enough money leftover for icing and sprinkles for the next absurd elementary school party. Huzzah!

Donald Trump aligns himself with bad people. He willfully insults good and honorable people. Speaking at the Value Voters Summit is a prime example.

So — who is everyone thinking about when they masturbate? The sex toy company We-Vibe wanted to find out, so they asked 1,000 people who their favorite celeb fantasies were.

What’s going on is that Gen. Michael Flynn, one-time general, disgraced former head of the Defense Intelligence Agency, Trump campaign advisor and - very briefly - Trump National Security Advisor resigned last night. Why did he resign?

Trump was supposed to head to Milwaukee on Thursday to visit a Harley-Davidson plant and sign yet another executive order. Until, that is, Harley-Davidson allegedly backed out. According to an unnamed White House official, Harley-Davidson didn't want to face the protests that were sure to accompany any appearance by the historically unpopular new president.

There’s nothing like a tropical getaway. The sun, the sand, the fruity umbrella drinks, the puppies.

Wait, what?

For all of us who have wished we could be hooked up to an IV of coffee, the moment may have arrived! No, your doctor isn’t willing to install a PIC line for you to hook up to an urn at your local Starbucks. Instead, some entrepreneurs are crowd-funding to produce a bracelet that administers a steady stream of transdermal caffeine.

A guy named Dave Johnson swears up and down that the Ramsey family staged the whole thing and then went on to live new lives as the Perry family. He cites Katy Perry’s eyebrows as proof. "You know, the eyebrows don't change much on a person," he claims. "You're born with your eyebrows.”

So, I’m scrolling through my news feed this morning, looking for something to brighten my day, and I see a headline that catches my eye. Seems 21 Jump Steet co-stars Channing Tatum and Jillian Bell are slated to star in a remake of Splash, the 1984 movie where Daryl Hannah played a mermaid seeking love on land. “Oh wow,” I thought to myself. “How cool would it be if Channing Tatum were the mer-person in this movie?”

Did this summer’s release of Harry Potter and the Cursed Child have you longing for more time in the wizarding world? Do you wish you were headed to Platform 9 3/4 next week? Do you just need more Potter? Well, look no further than Pottermore!