Rebekah Kuschmider

Now, listen. I know that anything that happens in 45 minutes with an aesthetician isn't going to be wizardry. It might not even be noticeable. But I also know that I am not very good at treating myself to nice things that involve sitting down and letting other people take care of me.

We interrupt this dumpster fire that is the United States of America in 2017 to bring you what is probably the most horrifying news in the history

BREAKING NEWS –– or maybe epic flashback? I don’t know what to call this exactly.

I’m a runner.

Does the Senate health care bill suck? Yes. But because I hate to wallow in bad news, here’s something in the world of health and bodies that is a positive development: teens are more apt to use contraception now than in the past.

You all know what that means, right? Matching “Thank you for being a friend” t-shirts and “Picture it! Sicily, 1932!” tote bags for everyone! Wheeee! Oh, and cheesecake. So much cheesecake!

A judge in Oklahoma dismissed a case involving sexual assault of a drunk 16 year old girl. Allegedly, the girl was so intoxicated that she had to be carried to the boy’s car and witnesses say she was in and out of consciousness in the car. She was later brought to a family member’s home, still unconscious. The family member had her taken to the hospital where her blood alcohol level was tested at .34 and DNA from the boy was found around her mouth and on the back of her leg.

Beyonce just might be a Black Bill Gates in the making. Slay.

The news cycle feels like a roller coaster ride these days. We’re all sitting in this little car, plunging up and down without any control over anything. But at least we have Dan Rather along for the ride.

Yesterday, Americans got to take yet another trip to the magical realms of WTF as FBI Director