Rebekah Kuschmider

You can’t deal either, can you? Of course you can’t. So listen: let’s stop talking about this scum-sucking-bottom-feeder and focus on something happy. Like a puppy finding a home and a job.

Anyone who has ever lived with a dog knows the joy of having your best friend greet you at the door every time you come home. Or return from getting the mail. Or walk out of the shower.

Is Hillary Clinton going to jail for having email? The world — and last night’s debate moderators — want to know!

The short answer is: probably not.

Unless one of her emails contains a confession for actually killing Vince Foster. Which seems unlikely, since Hillary has a law degree from Yale and I think the first thing they teach you there is, “Don’t write incriminating shit down.”

I know a woman who worked in an inner-city hospital before the passage of Roe v Wade. Every week, staff there saw women come in battling massive infection or blood loss. They actually reserved beds for women like this because it was so common. The cause? Illegal, unsafe abortions. But that was then, right? That was 42 years ago, right? That doesn’t happen anymore, right? Wrong.

What do you get when you cross that Kitty Collector app with a sex toy? Remoji!

“You know, in my next life, when I come back, I want to be someone in the WTA because they ride on the coattails of the men. They don't make any decisions, and they are lucky. They are very, very lucky. If I was a lady player, I'd go down every night on my knees and thank God that Roger Federer and Rafa Nadal were born because they have carried this sport. They really have.”

This weekend, she took to CNN and fielded a question about Trump’s recent statements about abortion, wherein he suggested that the official Republican platform should include room for exceptions to an all-out abortion ban in the cases of rape, incest, or risk to the life and health of the mother.

Mr. Trump has a very short time to learn the difference between citizen-to-citizen speech and citizen-to-government speech.

I’ve gotta say, "coconut ash" sounds way more appetizing than "activated charcoal."

Do you want a man known for calling people “losers” to be sitting at a table with all the major economic powers in the world and trying to work out international trade deals or arms agreements? Or do you think he’d offend everyone in the room so much that he’d turn us into a global pariah?