Rebekah Kuschmider

I got a puppy last fall, and I’ve spent about a zillion dollars on different things for her to chew. She really likes bully sticks, which are dehydrated bull penises. It cracks me up every time I give one to her and say, “Here. Go eat a dick.”

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We salute you, fidget spinner dog. You are a good boy.

The Iowa state House of Representatives advanced a bill yesterday that would make it lawful for children to use hand guns, with the direct supervision of parents.

Students at Arkansas colleges and universities are finding some new information added to orientation materials:

The human-dog relationship has been mutually beneficial for centuries... Now there’s one more truly amazing thing we can credit dogs with doing for people — they can be taught to sense when a diabetic person’s blood sugar is in the danger zone and alert the person to take action.

You could probably look on the internet and find people whining about the changes, but I’m in too good a mood about seeing women and minorities on my money to go looking for bigots and their rainy damn parades.

The next few months are going to feel like drinking from a firehose of bad political news. Just today, my email is pinging away with alerts about all the executive orders that Trump seems to have signed expressly to make me, Rebekah Kuschmider, lose my mind. I keep feeling jolts of adrenaline, and I reach for my phone to email or call or Tweet or SOMETHING to release my endless rage.

Someone is going to try and tell you that John McCain saved Obamacare. Or Lisa Murkowski. Or Susan Collins. But it was you. YOU.

Kids are now colluding with the clowns. This. Is. Serious.