She’s made all the mistakes, so you don’t have to… Ask Erin is a weekly advice column, in which Erin answers your burning questions about anything at all.
I️ think I feel bad?
So I’ve been talking to this guy I️ met on a dating app. I️ called him one night and realized he was using a texting app to contact me and was lying as well.
He flat out told me he had a girlfriend and that his girlfriend checks his phone… but he likes me a lot, and his relationship is complicated. He doesn’t wanna be with her anymore. That’s why he was looking for someone new.
My feelings for him won’t go away. I️ still contact him. I️ mean he’s clearly unhappy.
Do you think I’m a home wrecker?
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Oh honey, don’t be that person.
Don’t be the person who ignores obvious red flags, not to mention your moral compass, because you’re getting romantic attention.
It’s not a good look. How do I know? Because I’ve been that girl.
I’ve been the one who ignored the warning signs, manufactured feelings where there were none, ignored the fact that I was actively participating in deceiving and hurting someone else because I liked the attention, I wanted to feel wanted, and I had a crush.
That’s what this is — a crush.
He’s just some guy you met on a dating app. (I am assuming you haven’t met in person based on what you said in your email.) You have very little invested here. Get out of this situation now before it gets any messier.
Regardless of how unhappy he may be, what he is doing is wrong (it’s clearly not an open relationship, or he would not be hiding this from the girlfriend). It doesn’t matter how “complicated” his relationship is. He is not displaying any qualities that should make you want to pursue this.
He is showing you he’s a liar, a cheater, and a wimp who doesn’t have the guts to be honest with his girlfriend and get himself out of an allegedly unhappy situation.
Move on from him and allow yourself the space to find someone who is available and healthy. This guy is not a healthy person. And don’t you want something better for yourself — something better than knowingly participating in someone else’s infidelity?
Trust me when I say you are lucky you found this out now.
The universe has shown you the exit door. You just need to walk through it.
The information within Ask Erin should in no way be interpreted as medical advice because I'm not a medical professional. But I am here to help — to share with you the wisdom I've gained after years of making mistakes. If you have a question for me about relationships, addiction, recovery, friendship, sex, consent, what I’m watching (Search Party, OMG I love it.), Galena, or anything at all, use the contact form below or email me at email@example.com. As always, your anonymity is golden. xoxo