As unbelievable as it may seem, fat women love sex — and not because we’re desperate for any small scrap of attention. We enjoy the sensual pleasure of being touched, the connection we feel when we’re intimate with another person, and the chemical reaction that our bodies go through when we’re having sex.
Sex is an important part of all relationships, including the one we have with ourselves. And as fat women, we shouldn’t be excluded from such an important part of life because of our body size or any other reason.
Unfortunately, there’s a lot of fatphobia in the world, and some people believe that fat women are undeserving of sex and that they should put their sexuality on hold until they’ve conformed to certain societal standards, i.e. become thin enough to be bangable.
Anybody, no matter the size, shape, or ability is worthy of giving and receiving pleasure. Do what feels good to you, make sure you express what it is that you desire sexually, and go after it.
A woman’s sexuality, especially a fat woman’s sexuality makes some people feel extremely uncomfortable, so they try to erase fat sexuality in any way they can by turning fat women into joke material or ignoring them altogether.
One of the problems fat women face is that after being told we’re disgusting or the opposite of sexy, we start to believe it. We let ourselves be intimidated into being asexual or celibate as if we’re waiting until we’re given the okay to allow our sexual sides out.
I call bullshit on the idea that a fat woman doesn’t deserve to feel sexually satisfied or good about her body because some people can’t handle the idea a fleshy body can be sexually pleasing not only to others but to themselves.
Sometimes it’s the fat women themselves who try to forget about their own sexual needs. For years, I assumed everyone who showed interest in me just wanted to be friends because I was fat.
I couldn’t comprehend the idea that someone might be sexually attracted to me or that I might be wanted only for my body.
There are many things that subconsciously we as fat women feel we must put on hold until we’re average-sized — like rocking a bikini, eating in public, or wearing bodycon dresses. We pick and choose our battles, but sometimes we’d rather hide our body than let the world see our stomach outline.
This problem isn’t exclusively the question of fat women being worthy of sex — it’s also the shaming that happens when we’re open about our own sexual needs. Sometimes we shame ourselves, and other times people try to force a narrative where fat women have no sexuality or are promiscuous — fat sluts who don’t care who they bang.
How often in the media have we seen the images of the fat woman desperately trying to convince someone to have sex with her? The idea that everybody, no matter how fat, is attractive when it’s 2:00 a.m. Supposedly, fat women don’t care if you’re shit-faced and can’t perform; they’re happy to have a warm body next to them.
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It’s degrading to be thought of as something (not even a someone) that’s barely better than nothing.
After I broke up with my boyfriend, I was celibate for eight years because I was too afraid to put myself out there. This was before apps were as prevalent as they are now, and I didn’t feel comfortable going to bars by myself or singles events. I stifled a whole part of myself, my sexuality, because I was so scared that I would be rejected. It took having a lot of casual sex to not only be able to appreciate my sexuality but to demand that I be able to express myself sexually.
So, no matter how haters may try to squelch the fat-girl-libido, it’s strong and gaining in power — not just in me, but in fat girls all over.
Fat girls are attracted to men, women, and nonbinary people. Fat girls may choose to have sex with people one-on-one, in groups, or solo. In addition, there’s no rule that fat people can only have sex with people who are as fat or fatter than they are. There are plenty of mixed sized couples who have hot sex. Body size should not limit our choice of partners, and that includes partners with a big height difference.
Fat girls can be just as promiscuous as average-sized women. It’s true you don’t have to be skinny to have a lot of sex — and even more shocking, you don’t have to be height-weight appropriate to experiment and try new things sexually.
Fat women can be vanilla, kinky, have fetishes, be someone’s fetish, or any combination. They can be a plus-size dom, a submissive, or take whatever role they want — the options that fat girls have is as unlimited as they choose them to be. There are times when fat girls want sex with a partner that they’re in a committed relationship with, and other times, they just want to have sex, and it doesn’t matter if they ever see that person again or not.
Anybody, no matter their size, shape, or ability is worthy of giving and receiving pleasure. Do what feels good to you, make sure you express what it is that you desire sexually, and go after it. If the person you’re having sex with doesn’t give you everything you want, then don’t settle. Find someone who will. Trust me — there are a lot of people out there who will find you desirable and want to please you even if you aren’t a size two.
We will no longer suppress our sexual desires because of haters and fat-shamers.
The fat-girl-sexual-revolution is now.