parenting

What I am not saying: "I am now going to take this opportunity to rub in your face what an inadequate parent you are for not sacrificing your entire life to homeschool your children, who you obviously don't love."

Becoming a parent is a blessed and sacred event. Never has there been a more life altering experience. No, seriously.

Oh HOLY NIGHT. Can you even imagine how much laundry five children and two adults (and three dogs and a cat) create? The answer is: No. You cannot.

"If I am holding an amber beer in my hand, I am not talking about naptimes. If I hear shop from your lips, I am ordering you three more martinis and getting you shitfaced..."

"Sometimes David wore his hair spiked like a cockscomb. Others, he wore it feathery like a baby chick. He wore his Mohawk to summer camp (exchanging encouraging head chucks with another older camper who sported one, too) and even to Vacation Bible School—no judgment there."

My husband and I agreed: raising a child with an independent spirit who made decisions for himself was a good thing.

"They probably aren’t going to tell you if they are already, or are planning to have sex. Even if you ask. Even if they are doing it in your living room while you’re at work."

9. Use Timeouts—For Yourself!