I admit it. I love to catcall. I do it all the time—pretty much anytime I’m walking down the street. I know some people think it’s not OK, but I don’t mean any harm. In context it always seems alright, but on occasion I’ve gone so far as to call after the pattering feet bounding away, “Nooo! Let me touch you!” I mean, they’re just. so. fluffy.
Oh, you thought think I was talking about women?
From the relatively polite, “Hey girl,” salutations, to whistles and veiled threats—“Don’t you walk away from me”—most women have experienced the men’s street sport that is catcalling. Unsurprisingly, because of it’s name, these catcalls share common compliments with those directed at actual cats. Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for a good looking dude coming over to strike up a conversation. But calling to me from across the street? Calling me “yoga mat” when I’m carrying a yoga mat, or “baby blue” because I am wearing a blue shirt is just pathetic.
Cats, like beautiful ladies, can be extremely alluring. However, that in no way gives any of us free license to invade personal space through street harassment. While most catcalling pursuits are not-so-laughable, we invite you to imagine a world where the calls to cats were directed at females. (You know just to emphasize how creepy and invasive the whole situation can be.)
Here are some choice comments that are A-OK to utter if you're speaking to a new feline friend:
1. Hey, baby girl! Ahhh, you are so cute, I just want to squeeze your little face!
2. YOU ARE SO FLUFFY
3. I want you to be my baby princess forever and ever
4. You are so sassy
5. I love that little black one
6. Come to me, baby girl
7. I see you! I see you hiding!
8. I really want to pet you...DON’T RUN INTO THE STREET!
9. You are so dirty
10. I just love your little feetsies!
11. I feel like I am about to get attacked
12. Do you think it’s a boy or a girl?
13. No! Come back! I just want to love you!