No matter what you want to tell him, your dog will listen to you.
Let’s talk about your boyfriend, your man, your partner-in-crime — he’d do just about anything to make you happy. He gives you awesome orgasms; he listens when you’ve had a shitty day, and he gives kick ass massages — in an ideal world. The reality is that human beings are imperfect and sometimes your man is a self-centered dick.
However, there is someone in your life who loves you unconditionally — your dog.
Dogs are fiercely loyal creatures. They aim to please and want to be around their humans no matter what. Here are eight reasons you secretly love your dog more than your boyfriend.
1. Your dog doesn’t give a shit how you smell.
Whether you’re freshly showered, or you haven’t bathed in a week, your dog doesn’t give a fuck what you smell like, because he loves you no matter what. In fact, the dirtier you are, the better. Go role in a pile of mud and then call your dog’s name. He will come running and give you a big sloppy kiss on the face. Your boyfriend, on the other hand, probably expects you to wash your armpits.
2. Your dog knows what to do when you’re sad.
Dogs notice when tears come to your eyes, and all they want to do is help. They run up to their owners and lick the tears off their face without a second thought. Can you say the same for your boyfriend? I don’t think so. When was the last time he licked some tears off your face? Your dog drinks your tears for breakfast, lunch, dinner and a snack.
3. Your dog is grateful for crumbs.
There’s nothing like biting into a delicious slice of cake. What’s even better than that is sharing your cake with someone you love. Who is more grateful for this opportunity than your canine child? Your boyfriend might expect a sizeable portion of that cake. Your dog is happy with some motherfucking crumbs. He doesn’t care how big his cut of the deal is, as long as he gets some.
4. Your dog is easily pleased.
Most dogs are in a constant state of excitement. Their baseline mood is happy and just gets happier if you add yourself to their world. It can only go up from here. All you have to do is tell your dog “we’re going outside” and you’ve blown their fucking mind. Your boyfriend is harder to impress than simply opening a door.
5. Your dog listens to you.
No matter what you want to tell him, your dog will listen to you. He will sit on the bed and hear you go on about the shitty day you had, how your boss is an unappreciative dick wad, and why tampons are so fucking expensive. He wants to hear all about your day whether he understands you or not; he’s there listening attentively to the sound of your voice. Your boyfriend, on the other hand, might not care that the prices of tampons have gone up at CVS.
6. Dogs clean up without even knowing it.
Spill some yogurt on the floor? There’s no need to get a paper towel because your dog is licking that shit up as soon as it hits the ground. He’s ready for action, waiting in the wings in case hidden treats fall out of your hands and into his domain. The funny thing is, he’s keeping the house clean and he doesn’t even realize it. Your boyfriend (on the other hand) hasn’t even considered licking the floor to clean it. Obviously, your dog is way more creative about such things.
7. Your dog loves to snuggle no matter what.
Your dog is ready for that unconditional love at any moment. He would relish the chance to snuggle with you in bed, no matter how bad your breath smells or what pajamas you’re wearing and if there are granny panties involved. He loves to be close to you, and he’s a fan of how warm your body is. Your boyfriend, on the other hand, has all these preferences about things. He wants you to brush your teeth and wear cute underwear, I mean who has time for that shit?
8. Your dog will not get you pregnant or leave you.
Men come and go, dogs are here to stay. Sure, your boyfriend is great in bed and is a nice dude, but he also can put a baby up there. And what if you’re not looking to get pregnant? Great news! Your dog CANNOT get you pregnant. All your dog wants to do is hang out with you and go to the park. Also, there are no guarantees that your boyfriend will stick around. He might fall out of love with you or cheat on you. But your dog, he’s there to stay.