Trying to pee whilst standing in a puddle of another dude's pee. (Image Credit: Unsplash/Aaron Barnaby)
Here's what I want to ask the guy who used this airplane bathroom right before me:
1. Dude, seriously?
2. Like, I know the flight was kinda bumpy, but SERIOUSLY?
3. How did you get so much pee on so many different surfaces?
4. Is that pee on the SINK?
5. My god, that is totally pee on the sink, huh?
6. Does this mean you SPUN around?
7. In a FULL circle?
8. WHILE PEEING?
9. What exactly did you expect the next person to do, specifically if that person is someone who pees sitting down?
10. Do you know how hard it is to hover over the toilet seat on a plane that's making a turbulent descent into Santa Fe?
11. Would you believe it if I told you I’m not a great hoverer in the best of times, and this scenario was way beyond my skill level?
12. Was there a moment of introspection when you surveyed the range of your bodily fluids?
13. Did you think, “Wow, this looks like a scene from Dexter, but instead of blood, it’s pee?”
14. Were you proud of yourself in that moment?
15. Can you tell me more about your decision to not even attempt to clean it up?
16. Were you worried that trying to sop up that amount of liquid would cause a toilet paper shortage?
17. Was it, in a way, an altruistic decision?
18. Would an ethics professor ever agree that a decision was altruistic if the consequence of said decision was an innocent person sitting in a massive puddle of pee?
19. What is the true definition of altruism?
20. If a man pees all over an airplane toilet seat, and no one is there to sit in it, does the pee even exist?
21. Is this really a quantum physics question?
22. Are you as confused about this as I am now?
23. Can you pretty please just wipe it up next time and save us both a lot of trouble?