Absurd Tablescapes For Your New Year’s Eve Celebration

Make your friends wow out. (Image Credit: Thinkstock)

Make your friends wow out. (Image Credit: Thinkstock)

Hosting a dinner party on New Year’s Eve has never been easier or more accurate than with the following inspirational tablescape concepts. Give your dinnerware a platform for expressing your apprehension (otherwise known as crippling anxiety) about the coming year. And not just because the alternative would be taking up vaping.

Royal High Tea.

This luxurious scene will truly delight the most morose of guests, and will most definitely make up for gifting one of them with a used Galaxy Note 7 at the office Secret Santa exchange. (What? She always talks about how she likes to live dangerously, and you thought you’d see how far she was willing to take it.) Finally dust off those teacups you never use and put on that bright lipstick fit for a queen. Gilded accents like silver and gold candlesticks create an unmatched richness. Plus, the candlelight will save on electricity, which is a must after the month-long stint of your obscene holiday light display.

Vintage Treasures.

There are plenty of unique thrift store china finds to snag for this dinner decor scene. For family gatherings, form your best vintage cloth napkins into the shapes of all the toys that were sold out at Christmas time that you had already promised to buy. Incorporating painted stools or other pops of color will give you the strength to smile through your great aunt’s reminders about the thank-you note she never received from you.

Moroccan Adventure.

Blend distinguished patterns from this North African country with jewel-toned glassware for a stunning atmosphere. Really spice up the decor with a plethora of bold color. This way, your artisanal motif will truly sparkle, sufficiently distracting your guests from the harsh realities of our current political climate. Add a dash of whimsy with ornate chocolates or pastries on each plate. This will serve as a bribe for the friends that will have to cut you out of your NYE dress later on in the evening.

Nature’s Bounty.

Find a dish to use as a receptacle for completely unnecessary and borderline unsanitary items, such as twigs from the yard that may or may not (but more certainly, were) defecated upon by the family dog. Twirl these twigs until they transform into spheres of pure spangled adornment. With fresh garden accents, you can feel energized during this frigid season, rather than lobotomized by the severe temperature drop, if just for a few minutes. Of course, the only thing in your raised bed at this point is a pile of dead leaves from fall, so you may have to use the term “straight from the garden” loosely, as loosely as your lips after your third cocktail named with some sort of nature-themed pun. Preparing for hibernation has never looked so good.

Winter White.

This classic look will let your porcelain plates shine like the sweat that will appear on your forehead during your failed attempt at a New Year’s resolution, aka Zumba class. Antique white placemats over a bone white tablecloth creates cohesiveness, because using warring colors only spurs warring conversations. Complete the look with low lighting to contrast with the bright white, which will also disguise the brutal marks from the fight you had in the Walmart parking lot on Black Friday. That day shall henceforth be known as Black Eye Friday in your (dazzlingly decorated) household.



Country Living.

Make a citrus splash with a bowl of lemons at the table. Surround the bowl with large deer antlers, because high centerpieces allow for avoidance of direct eye contact with any guests you didn’t actually want to invite. Decoupage poignant lines from your Rom-Com screenplay, just in case any of those guests also happen to know someone important from that time they lived in Los Angeles.

If decorated correctly, your tablescape will inspire enough awe to ward off any side effects from the oncoming apocalypse that will surely be 2017. Plus, if you delight your guests enough with the spectacular presentation set before them, they might feel like asking you to host the Super Bowl party next month is just too much of an imposition. 

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