Jody Allard

"I don't know what I was smoking in June, but it's August now. I've bonded with my kids until we can't bond anymore, and I'm thisclose to booking a one-way ticket to anywhere but here. I love my kids dearly, but I appreciate them even more when I have time to myself, too. I think that's called balance, and I'm pretty sure it's a good thing."

It took five years for my daughter to be diagnosed with autism. There were dozens of red flags, beginning from the time she was about 10 months old, but her pediatrician always told me that she was fine. "She made eye contact with me," she reassured me. "She can't be on the spectrum." Besides, most children with autism, she reminded me, are boys.

In case you thought that the Internet couldn't sink any lower, the creators of a new app are about to prove you wrong.

It's Election Day AND National Sandwich Day today and, somehow, I feel like these important two events must be related.

Cities throughout the world honored the victims of the Paris attacks over the weekend with flags lowered to half staff, buildings lit up in the colors of the French flag, and candlelight vigils and moments of silence held in their honor.

9. Use Timeouts—For Yourself!

In today's news, the sky is blue, Republican lawmakers are assholes, and the House just voted to defund Planned Parenthood. Again.

You can stop talking now. Ssshhhh.

Carson's comments came in response to the shitshow that was Trump's campaign rally last week, where an attendee asked a question about how Trump would handle the "problem" that is Muslims in America, and incorrectly stated that President Obama is Muslim. Frankly, it doesn't matter what religion the president adopts, if any, but it's long since been settled that Obama is, in fact, Christian.

Wal-Mart, home to broken dreams, poor fashion choices, and a whole lot of guns.