Jody Allard

When Belgian police asked for a social media blackout of their anti-terrorist operations over the weekend, they got what they wanted in the most Internet way possible –– the hashtag #BrusselsLockdown was quickly taken over by cat pictures.

If you're anything like me, the only enjoyable part of shopping at Costco is the samples. It's always packed, there's nowhere to park, people push their massive fucking carts slower than molasses in January, and everything about it makes me homicidal EXCEPT for the sweet, sweet lure of the samples.

If imagining the Oregon militia huddled together for warmth now that the Feds have cut off their power fills you with Brokeback Mountain inspired nostalgia, you aren't alone.

A Target spokesperson has confirmed that a Chicago neighborhood will soon be the lucky recipient of a brand spanking new Target –– complete with a BAR. That has ALCOHOL.

In case you didn't think that Ben Carson could get any worse, or perhaps maybe even still liked the guy, have I got news for you.

ICYMI, everyone's favorite drunk uncle Donald Trump announced that he's in favor of banning all Muslims from the United States –– including American citizens who leave the country for terrorist-loving activities like going on vacation.

The more I told him that something hurt me, the more that he did it.

"23. Coffee is full of antioxidants and is therefore a healthy and necessary part of each day."

The wage gap is complicated, right?

In case you live on Mars, which is the only possible way you've missed the shitshow that is Kim Davis, this isn't Davis's first rodeo. Oh no, Davis was released from jail earlier this week after she was found in contempt of court for refusing to issue marriage licenses. This order came not just from the local courts, but was backed by the god damn Supreme Court of the United States. Because, you know, you should totally ignore the highest court in the fucking nation.