Jody Allard

Dear Kylie,

As you've probably gathered by the explosion of pink everything, October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. And, while many people try to spread awareness with the best of intentions, there isn't anyone left on this planet who hasn't heard of breast cancer. Breast cancer patients need many things, but sharing silly Facebook statuses and engaging in other click-it-and-forget-about-it forms of awareness isn't one of them.

Even if the government shuts down, it won't stop funding to Planned Parenthood; Medicaid and Medicare payments (which is how Planned Parenthood receives government funds) will continue on autopilot. It's a line in the sand that has absolutely no impact on the organization, yet would impact thousands of federal employees whose paychecks would stop coming. And is akin to a toddler throwing a tantrum.

Instead of delving into the psychological and scientific impacts of their work, reporters asked the astronauts how they would survive without makeup and men in space.

If you're anything like me, the only enjoyable part of shopping at Costco is the samples. It's always packed, there's nowhere to park, people push their massive fucking carts slower than molasses in January, and everything about it makes me homicidal EXCEPT for the sweet, sweet lure of the samples.

It's Election Day AND National Sandwich Day today and, somehow, I feel like these important two events must be related.

I didn't have a fairy-tale childhood, unless it was one of those dark and grim ones that really shouldn't be read to children.

I was born without fingers on my right hand. No one knows why, even now, 36 years later. It just happened, as these things sometimes do.

ICYMI, there's a war against Christmas and nowhere is it fiercer than a Minnesota school that dared to include a Muslim hymn in its annual holiday concert. The rest of the program was dedicated to Christmas carols and Hanukkah songs, but many parents are up in arms that a lone Muslim song was included in the program.

Former Stone Temple Pilots and Velvet Revolver frontman Scott Weiland died yesterday, and with his death I've come to two unfortunate conclusions: 1.) Addiction is a bitch, and 2.) The 90s are officially dead.