I'm not ready for the Fixer Upper Finale. Please don't go, Chip and Jo.
Welp, they’ve gone and finally done it, Chip and Joanna Gaines have cancelled their super-ultra-mega-hit-TV-show, and it's time for a Fixer Upper finale. WHO DOESN’T LOVE THIS SHOW? Even my five-year-old loves this show.
And now a moment of silence as we mourn the loss of the greatest program ever to grace HGTV.
Here are Chip and Jo talking about the end of an era.
Coincidentally (or maybe NOT), back in mid-September, Chip and Jo announced their forthcoming collab with none other than our favorite pickpocket, Target.
Their collection is set to release November 5th, just in time for our favorite season of capitalism, Christmas. That’s right, Christmas is a mere 90 days away FROM TODAY.
What better way to celebrate than to buy a pottery pitcher and stick some raw cotton in it.
Put some lights on it, and you’ve got Christmas.
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Goshdangit, who knew that an American staple crop could be so DECORATIVE?
I actually live where there is a LOT of cotton and when I see this, I think, first...
“Wow they must have sprayed a lot of defoliant on there to kill all those leaves.”
Second, “I wonder if that cotton is from California?”
And finally, “Man, cotton is so ugly. How did she DO THAT. What kind of wizardry is this?”
If you’re looking at this thinking, “What I could really use right now is a galvanized vase full of something vaguely weed-like.” Here you go (it’s square, but it’ll work)!
Let’s face it, Magnolia Farms has us all by the short-hairs.
If you go to their website, you will find all the things you never knew you needed.
This French Salt Jar. Because it says SEL. Which is FRENCH for SALT.
Being French is very in.
In case you didn’t know that being French is very in, now you do.
For $13, you can have this Jar O’ Matches.
Unfortunately, no where on this Jar O’ Matches does it say Jar O’ Matches in French.
If you would like to know how to say Jar O’ Matches in French, it is Jar des Allumettes. Sadly there is no French translation for “O” so we’re going with OF.
This chalkboard is on sale.
If you’d like to impress your friends with your new command of the French language, you might write something like, c'était très cher.
Which, in French means, “this was very expensive.” OR you could write Jar des Allumette on it and hang it on the matches.
Another thing you might need, is a Cluster of Driftwood Mushrooms.
I could do this all day. But I have to stop because, who am I kidding, I’d buy every one of these things just because Joanna Gaines said it was cute.
If you can wait until November, you won’t have to spend all your money shopping at Magnolia Farms, you can just pop down the block to your nearest
money hungry corporation Target.
Those aren’t ugly.
I don’t know what these are but I’d buy them too.
If you can’t wait for November, you can buy this wallpaper today!
(If you didn’t know, wallpaper is BACK. Not sure about this wallpaper, though.)
Is there a link between Chip and Jo throwing in the Fixer Upper finale towel and the fact that Target probably paid them several million dollars to carry a Magnolia line? I’m gonna say probably.
Is there a link between the final season of Fixer Upper and the five episodes I’m going to binge-watch tonight while drinking from a mason jar and wiping my weeping eyes wtih a ball of raw cotton?
I’m gonna say probably.
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