Starbuck's Unicorn Frappe: Blended Drink Served With A Side Of Food Shaming

Live and let live with however many sprinkles you goddamn want.

There are only a few days left to get the Unicorn Frappucinno at Starbucks. This limited-time-only, Instagram-ready, multi-colored, ambiguously-flavored treat is setting the world alight with sparkles and fairy dust and glitter and pinkness and cream. And it’s all being served up with a hefty portion of food shaming, courtesy of the internet.

The most common refrain seems to be, “OMG, do you know how much SUGAR is in that thing?”

Do you know how much sugar is in an apple?

Do you know much sugar is in granola sold at Whole Foods at a 15% mark-up?

Do you now how much sugar is in a filet-goddam-mignon with a balsamic glaze and bleu cheese?

And before you start telling me that natural sugar in an apple or a fancy-ass sauce on a steak is different than processed sugar in a frozen drink, let me just say: IT’S A TREAT! LEAVE THE SUGAR ALONE! 

Call me when Starbucks is serving a drink laced with cyanide and then I’ll join you in outrage, but a pink milkshake that turns purple when you stir in the blue sprinkles? For the love of fuck, people. Really.

Look, everything in life is easier if you unclench and remind yourself that everybody gets to make their own choices for their own body. Some people choose to run marathons. Some people choose to drink Frappucinnos. Some people — gasp — do both! BECAUSE LIFE IS AMAZING THAT WAY!

There is a place in this universe for the Unicorn Frappucinno. Maybe that place isn’t in your personal belly and that’s ok. You don’t have to drink one. But let’s not be a jerk to the people who do. 

Note: I couldn’t publish this piece without adding this meme. This will probably give true Harry Potterheads pause before they order one. I don’t think I could drink one without picturing Hagrid looking at me in disappointment. It’s also possible that I am a little too bought into the Potterverse and I’m just sad that Starbucks doesn’t serve Butterbeer. C’mon, Starbucks! Let’s make that the next magical drink!

For now, Unicorn Frappucinnos are available through Sunday. Enjoy!

 

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