An Imagined Conversation In Which Justin Bieber Tries And Fails To Say “Sorry”

The Beebs. Image:esy: <a href=" https://www.flickr.com/photos/joebielawa/8107447247">Flickr</a>

Justin: Yeah, is it too late now to say sorry?

Justin: You gotta go and get angry at all of my honesty.

Me: Hey now, I’m not sure that’s fair.

Justin: You know I try, but I don't do too well with apologies.

Me: You don’t do too well with apologies? You know that’s not a thing, right? Apologies aren’t, like, gluten or something.

Justin: I hope I don't run out of time, could someone call a referee? ‘Cause I just need one more shot at forgiveness.

Me: I think calling a referee is a bit dramatic. But listen, you have made many mistakes that we need to discuss before moving forward.

Justin: I know you know that I made those mistakes maybe once or twice.

Me: Once or twice? Really, Justin?

Justin: And by once or twice I mean maybe a couple a hundred times.

Me: Right. Now we’re on the same page.

Justin: So let me, oh, let me redeem, oh, redeem, oh, myself tonight, cause I just need one more shot at second chances.

Me: One more shot at second chances? Wouldn’t that mean it’s a third chance? And by saying “second chances,” plural, are we actually talking about a fourth or fifth chance? Your math isn’t adding up here.

Justin: Yeah, is it too late now to say sorry?

Me: Honestly, it might be. I’ve been waiting a long ass time.

Justin: ‘Cause I'm missing more than just your body, ooooohhhhh.

Me: Was that supposed to make it better? Because it definitely made it worse.

Justin: Yeah I know that I let you down. Is it too late to say I'm sorry now?

Me: Maybe stop asking if it’s too late to say sorry and just, you know, SAY it?

Justin: I'm sorryyyyyyy! Yeah, sorryyyyy, yeah, sorryyyyy.

Me: There we go! That’s the magic word! For future reference, just saying it once is fine, though.

Justin: Yeah, I know that I let you down. Is it too late to say I'm sorry now?

Me: You said it. We’re good. Let’s not veer into martyrdom here.

Justin: I'll take every single piece of the blame if you want me to.

Me: Oh Jesus. Here we go.

Justin: But you know that there is no innocent one in this game for two.

Me: So you won’t actually take all the blame, is what you’re saying?

Justin: I'll go, I'll go, and then you go, you go out and spill the truth.

Me: Honestly I have no idea what that means.

Justin: Can we both say the words, say “Forget this”?

Me: Sure, we can do that. On the count of three, OK? Ready? One, two, three! Forget thi—

Justin: Is it too late now to say sorry?

Me: Weren’t we going to say “forget this”? What happened to “forget this”?

Justin: ‘Cause I'm missing more than just your body, oooohhhhh.

Me: We’ve established that.

Justin: I'm not just trying to get you back on me, oh no no.

Me: Charming.

Justin: Is it too late now to say sorry?

Me: After careful consideration, I’ve decided that yes, it’s definitely too late to say sorry.

 
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