Make sure a yes to someone else is not a no to yourself.
1. Stay in your own lane.
I realize it’s tempting to compare (and then despair) but don’t fall for it. It’s a trap. A game with no prize at the end. It increases your chances of engaging in negative self-talk, a rabbit hole from which the climb out can be time-consuming. Comparison steals all joy, it just does. And we’re comparing based on assumptions, most of the time. So it’s not even based in truth. This is such a massive waste of time. Focus on you. Let other people do their own thing, and you do yours. This is the fast track to upgrading your life.
I’ve spent the majority of my life thus far focusing on other people to the point where taking care of just myself was a concept beyond me. It felt very selfish at first, and then it felt good and empowering. It has taken time for me to unlearn codependence. And eventually I have found a balance, but I honor the knowing that I can’t give to others without giving to myself first.
2. Have a grounding practice or ritual.
“True power is living the realization that you are your own healer, hero, and leader.” — Yung Pueblo.
The world is a beautiful, yet crazy, place. If we don’t establish a solid base within ourselves, a home, then we will most certainly get swept up by the frenzy out there. Everything you need to know is inside you.
For me, I ground with yoga and with using my breath as my anchor. I used to smoke cigarettes as a ritual, and now I read my daily spiritual readers as a ritual. I use prayer and sit in meditation. It helps me worry less and trust more. One of my favorite grounding practices is setting social media boundaries. Even though my business is online-based and requires I spend time every day posting and engaging, I have set parameters around it. Most nights, I unplug from my phone by 8:30 pm and use airplane mode to help me do this. Most mornings, I don’t check my email and outlets until after I’ve woken up and spent time meeting the day.
A grounding ritual that works for you is essential to being a highly capable badass human being in every area of your life.
3. Be proactive and focus on what you CAN do.
"Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. Make it your friend and ally, not your enemy. This will miraculously transform your whole life." — Eckhart Tolle
So in practical application, this means that if we get a flat tire tomorrow morning, we don’t spend two hours talking about why we got a flat tire and how it’s not fair; we just deal with the flat tire and keep moving forward. We don’t dwell on the negative. We may grieve what was supposed to be and wasn’t, but we don’t stay there for long. We don’t build a shrine and live there in our sadness, frustration, and fury.
We keep moving forward and do the best with the tools we currently have. See your problems as an opportunity for innovation. This practice alone is a life-changer.
4. Protect your time & energy; eliminate the non-essential.
How you spend your time is how you spend your energy is how you spend your life. Select wisely.
Running your own life requires you to say no quite a lot. If you don’t say no, then you’ll find yourself at the whims and mercies of others on a daily basis, just floating along with what they need and want. Define your own needs and wants. Make a list of your core values and prioritize your life around them. Do you value honesty, love, achievement, humor, beauty, spirituality, etc.? Find out what you value. Inquire within and then redesign your life as needed.
Subtract all the bullshit from your life and see what remains. What's left is what matters. Everything else is holding you back. If it’s not moving you forward in some way, it’s holding you back.
I’m a recovering people-pleaser, and I use a simple formula to check-in with myself: Make sure a yes to someone else is not a no to yourself.
5. Say a prayer for the haters and keep it moving.
People can irritate us, annoy us, anger us, and drive us crazy. They can act hateful, obnoxious, disrespectful, and jealous of us. It’s so easy to judge them and spew hate back because “they deserve it.” We think — How could they do that/say that? What is wrong with them? Why do they always act so mean?
Well, the reason is that they suffer. And their suffering cannot be contained. So they lash out and misdirect it.
I was recently disturbed by a display of suffering from a loved one. And I instinctively wanted to help them and tell them what they needed to do, but that’s not my place either. I have retired as the manager of the Universe. So then, a friend told me about his forgiveness/compassion challenge — every time a person (or multiple people) pops into your head who annoys the crap out of you, you say a prayer for them and wish them well in your heart. I started doing it, and it works. It takes the sting out of it for you and energetically sends them some healing and positive vibes. Haters need our compassion the most. Send them your love from afar and keep doin’ you.