Joni Edelman

As the mother of three teens, I'm here to tell you: You have nothing to freak out about.

They will 

1. All vaginas are good vaginas.

Actually, no, I'm not a gluttonous moron.

My mother didn't teach me how to be a mother. But my babies did.

If you decide pit or leg hair isn't a big deal, then bam! It's not a big deal.

The argument against homeschooling is always the same: “Kids need to socialize.”

Our relationship has been a little complicated. I've loved you a lot, and I've loathed you at least that much, but mostly you've just gone unnoticed. Except for those 5 to 7 days every four weeks when you made your presence quite evident, what with the river of life blood and the random excruciating, and from what I can tell, unnecessary, contractions.

No, Bill Cosby isn't my dad. But he was like one to me growing up.

Sam: The first time you mentioned that you have five kids I was like WHAT THE ACTUAL. FIVE HUMANS. FIVE HUMANS CAME OUT OF YOU. Like, not at the same time, but they came out and like, that sounds painful and scary WHY DID YOU DO THAT??