Winona Dimeo-Ediger

12. Was someone just like, “I have a great idea: let’s shave part of a goat and then kind of ball up the hair and glue a pin on the back and call it a goat hair brooch”?

Old friends make it possible to conduct entire conversations in inside jokes, like a secret code you’ve taken 15 years to hone.

F*ck that noise. Wear a bikini if you want. Or wear a one-piece if you want. Or wear a baggy t-shirt from a Def Leppard concert and knee-length bike shorts if you want. Wear whatever you want. But definitely go to the beach.

Dear Winona, I’m addicted to black. Exhibit A: my closet. Am I fashionably lazy? Or is it because it just goes with everything—mainly me?

I call this happiness by proxy

Will you ever find a chair you like? Are there any good chairs left in this world? Why are so many people in your neighborhood attempting to sell “lightly used” sex chairs? What is a sex chair?

Target’s lack of gender signage is obviously a sinful, confusing disaster. You should definitely never shop there again. But just in case you ever need to buy a gift for your kid and Wal-Mart is closed, here are some tips for how to navigate the Godless dystopia that is the new unlabeled toy section of Target:

Practically speaking, if you want to try a fashion trend that you’re not initially comfortable with, approach it the same way you would an awkward convo with your mom or a spontaneous skinny dip in a freezing lake: ease in.

The thing is, we soak in these body-judging lessons from a very young age, before we even know how damaging they are. Some of the messages are implicit, like when we see a fat girl getting made fun of on the playground (or, for many of us, when we are the fat girl getting made fun of on the playground) and learn that being fat is not just wrong, it’s a punishable offense.

Basically, if you took a map of the world and put red pushpins wherever something terrible was happening, you’d find a millennial directly in the center, snapchatting.