Winona Dimeo-Ediger

These things could never happen. But WHAT IF THEY DID?

I’ve always hated shopping for dresses in general (I’m seriously supposed to track down one garment that fits properly on my chest, waist, arms, and hips simultaneously?), and finding the right thing to wear to a wedding is always tricky (do they really mean casual?).

There’s something that happens on social media every time a celebrity dies. After the initial shock and questions of “is it a hoax?” have abated, people start telling stories.

"While ample cleavage comes in handy for filling out sundresses and storing cracker crumbs for later, it presents a professional dressing challenge that’s annoying and a little unfair ... "

You don’t have to compromise on music or air conditioning temperature or snack break times. It’s just you, your car, and the open road. Ah, freedom!

"These days, I don’t shop at the mall very often, but every once in a while when I find myself at a mall — any — I’m overcome by a wave of nostalgia for my salad days (although perhaps “Sbarro calzone days” would be a more fitting expression here). In many ways, I grew up in these chain stores and pretzel kiosks. And sometimes I feel compelled to write melodramatic poetry about it."

But my God, have you read a celebrity gossip rag recently? They make Vogue and InStyle seem like forward-thinking beacons of body positivity and intersectional feminism.

You deserve to be happy just as you are, and that extends to the clothes you put on in the morning. I’m so glad you’ve decided to buy some clothes that fit and make you feel fabulous and stylish. Even if it’s just a few new pieces, it’s going to make such a difference in the way you look and feel.

Including: public transit inversion pose and heart-opening "shut up, mom" pose.

12. Was someone just like, “I have a great idea: let’s shave part of a goat and then kind of ball up the hair and glue a pin on the back and call it a goat hair brooch”?