Winona Dimeo-Ediger

Clean eating is so passe, you guys. It’s time to get on board the newest trend: dirty eating!

The other day I met up with my friend Paige at a coffee shop. She went to the bathroom, came back, and said, “So, the toilet paper roll was empty, and I almost didn’t put a new roll on, but then I thought, ‘Be the change you want to see in the world,’ and I changed it.” She beamed triumphantly, and I said, “Paige, you’re a hero.”

Remember this one time in savasana that the teacher had us visualize all the negative energy in our lives being squeezed out the soles of our feet like a bad vibes garlic press. Imagine my boss’ words as a brown ooze squeezing out of my feet. Imagery is gross but deeply comforting.

Also worth considering: Beyonce on vacation, Prince George, your mom in the '70s.

6. You would never DREAM of talking on your phone during a transaction, because you know from experience how uniquely dehumanizing and soul-crushing it is to try to engage with someone who is chatting idly with their sister and not making eye contact with you.

When you’re helping people zip up dresses and watching their reactions to certain items of clothing, you start noticing patterns. Here are four of the phrases I hear most often in the dressing room, and how I wish — oh, how I wish! — I could respond.

In 1897, a little girl named Virginia O’Hanlon wrote a letter to the editor of the Sun, asking if there was a Santa Claus.

Toss back half a bottle of merlot while watching “Daredevil.” Pause it for a pee break. Glance in bathroom mirror, notice bangs are getting slightly unruly.

As much as I love the holidays, there are a lot of chores and errands this time of year requires that are, let’s say, less than fun.

Have you guys tried those “adult” Lego sets? They’re not “adult” in, like, a “build your own dildo” way (although I’m sure that’s a thing on eBay) but in a “you follow instructions that are probably too advanced for your 3-year-old nephew to follow and feel super smart and accomplished when you put the final piece on the top of your small-scale replica of the Eiffel Tower” way.