Winona Dimeo-Ediger

Our resident aesthetic ace offers fashion advice to our writer Joni who's in a quandary about her distressed jeans and yoga pants.

While buttoning my pants today I found to my dismay / that my skinny jeans get skinnier with every passing day. / For the past few months, in fact, I’ve watched with shock and wonder / as my stomach’s gotten softer and my thighs accrued more thunder.

Will you ever find a chair you like? Are there any good chairs left in this world? Why are so many people in your neighborhood attempting to sell “lightly used” sex chairs? What is a sex chair?

3. When you can’t see the end point, just keep going. About halfway into my blanket, I fell into this weird crocheting vortex where no matter how many new stitches I made, my blanket always looked exactly the same size. It felt like I was crocheting into a void. I got super frustrated and almost gave up multiple times, but instead, I just kept stitching.

At any given moment 43% of Portland residents are chained to something in protest. The other 57% are already in jail for chaining themselves to other things.

If you give a White girl a pumpkin spice latte, she’s going to ask for a gluten-free vegan apple spice muffin.

Now, it may seem like the NRA is comprised of emotionally stunted gun fetishists with a shriveled up copy of the second amendment where their hearts should be, but that’s simply not true. They totally cry about stuff! Not mass shootings of children, but other stuff. Just to be clear, here are 10 things worth crying #REALTEARS, according to the NRA.

12. Was someone just like, “I have a great idea: let’s shave part of a goat and then kind of ball up the hair and glue a pin on the back and call it a goat hair brooch”?

You might think that being on a budget means you can’t afford to dress like a super rich, fashion-forward celebrity, but girlfriend, you are wrong about that!

Toss back half a bottle of merlot while watching “Daredevil.” Pause it for a pee break. Glance in bathroom mirror, notice bangs are getting slightly unruly.