alcohol

If you tend to eschew your inner child and prefer to feel somewhat sophisticated and faux-healthy, you can call a frozen wine drink a smoothie and it totally counts. Because we are all of a legal drinking age here and there is no shame in consuming your daily super fruit serving in a nutritious, fermented, frozen liquid form. The best part about all of this is you don’t need GOOD wine, you just need not-chardonnay.

A judge in Oklahoma dismissed a case involving sexual assault of a drunk 16 year old girl. Allegedly, the girl was so intoxicated that she had to be carried to the boy’s car and witnesses say she was in and out of consciousness in the car. She was later brought to a family member’s home, still unconscious. The family member had her taken to the hospital where her blood alcohol level was tested at .34 and DNA from the boy was found around her mouth and on the back of her leg.

Without a doubt, going to AA meetings saved my life. But after six years of devoted participation, my attendance dwindled until, about a year ago, I stopped going entirely. Contrary to what I was taught when I was in the program, my sobriety’s just fine. You can stay sober without AA — at least, I can. Here’s how I do it.

Nobody panic. Put down the Skippy-dipped churro. Take another look the invitation and double-check that it’s for tonight. It is? Are you SURE?

Last week, I did something reckless. I went out for Mexican food, and drank a margarita. The server didn’t ask for my ID, and she didn’t even ask for proof that my ovaries were on lock down.

A Target spokesperson has confirmed that a Chicago neighborhood will soon be the lucky recipient of a brand spanking new Target –– complete with a BAR. That has ALCOHOL.

According to that fateful day in October, the vision of my pending 21st was a deafeningly loud, "I don't think so." Clad in pastel.

Happy St. Patrick's Day! Here's all the reasons all that booze might make you act like a drunken, violent idiot. But please don't.