humor

A humorous look at what we can expect on the small screen during the Trump Era.

Ever had an imagined conversation with optimism? Yeah, me too.

“Introducing Nexsey! No more shall we hide our necks as we age!” Hold the phone, people. Something else to make us feel inadequate has been invented. It’s called Nexsey and it’s a piece of medical grade TAPE used to rein in neck wrinkles.

An open letter to that guy at the gym who wants everyone to hear him grunting.

“Don’t talk to strangers. Unless they resemble George Clooney and have a steady job at Microsoft. In that case, give them Mommy’s number, or just walk them straight home with you.”

[CN: diets, not eating (both satirical)] So, you’ve tried every diet out there. You are fed up — and often barely fed at all. The South Beach Diet, The North Pole Diet, The Atkins Diet, The Fatkins Diet, Weight Watchers, Weight Ignorers… The list is as long as your droopy face.

Nobody panic. Put down the Skippy-dipped churro. Take another look the invitation and double-check that it’s for tonight. It is? Are you SURE?

Make a u-turn into the darkest recesses of your psyche. Wonder about your life purpose: Were you put on earth to stare at computer screens and pay bills and die? Cringe while imagining what your idealistic college self would think of you now. Conclude that your life lacks creativity and meaning and simple joys.