Rebekah Kuschmider

I got a puppy last fall, and I’ve spent about a zillion dollars on different things for her to chew. She really likes bully sticks, which are dehydrated bull penises. It cracks me up every time I give one to her and say, “Here. Go eat a dick.”

. . . dabbling in botulinum toxin is not an anti-feminist act. However . . . and this is a big however . . . it is a symptom of a system that values appearances in a pretty screwed-up way.

Yesterday, Americans got to take yet another trip to the magical realms of WTF as FBI Director

Surgeons at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore, MD are planning to attempt the first US penis transplant. The surgery will be performed on a soldier who was wounded in Afghanistan.

“I think the only card she has is the woman's card. She has nothing else going. Frankly, if Hillary Clinton were a man, I don't think she would get five percent of the vote.” I’m gonna need someone to hold my earrings here.

A guy named Dave Johnson swears up and down that the Ramsey family staged the whole thing and then went on to live new lives as the Perry family. He cites Katy Perry’s eyebrows as proof. "You know, the eyebrows don't change much on a person," he claims. "You're born with your eyebrows.”

Breaking! Breaking! Ben & Jerry’s is introducing a line of non-dairy frozen desserts!

Grab your iPhones and launch the app store! There’s a new emoji keyboard out there, and you are going to want to grab it!

Have you ever wanted to have sex like Gwyneth Paltrow? Me neither, but she has finally turned her attention — and the latest issue of Goop — to telling us all about sex in the Paltrow-verse. I rushed right over and read it so you don’t have to.

“I wouldn’t have sex with you if you were the last man on earth!”