Rebekah Kuschmider

Yesterday, the big news in food science was that BUTTER ISN’T BAD FOR YOU AFTER ALL! It turns out that butter, like other saturated fats, isn’t the health demon-food that we were once told it was. I think now we’re supposed to do Kermit-arms and dance around rejoicing that we can butter our toast with impunity.

Musician Kid Rock has announced that he intends to run for the Senate as a Republican in Michigan. Athlete and reality TV star Caitlyn Jenner has teased about a run as a Republican in California. Neither would-be candidate has filed the official candidacy paperwork as of this time. I hope they don’t. At least not until they learn something about governance.

You all know what that means, right? Matching “Thank you for being a friend” t-shirts and “Picture it! Sicily, 1932!” tote bags for everyone! Wheeee! Oh, and cheesecake. So much cheesecake!

While the pirates of old were famous for having parrots on their shoulders, Instagram sensation Guirec Soudée, a 24-year-old French man, has spent two years sailing around the world with a bird of a different feather — his pet chicken Monique.

When is a bra not a bra anymore?

We have a President musing about why the Civil War started, considering meetings with murderous despots, and preparing to sign anti-LGBTQ orders. How much are we supposed to be able to take? Because I don’t think I want to read the news any more. But in between fits of despair, we have the internet to provide us with animal videos.

The First Amendment of the Constitution guarantees every citizen the right to petition the government for redress of grievances. Notably, there are no instructions for exactly how to petition the government, and no limits on what kind of grievances for which citizens may seek redress. Which is why it’s totally constitutional and patriotic that a lady lit into Florida Governor Rick Scott in a Starbucks.

President Obama plans to visit a mosque in Baltimore, MD. He’s going there to speak about the problems associated with global anti-Islamic bigotry and to promote religious tolerance. He delivered a similar message about anti-Semitism at the Israeli embassy last week.

There is now a sex toy called the Sqweel that looks like a cross between an Epilady and something you would find at a craft store, maybe in the rubber stamp section. It’s supposed to look like a wheel of tongues, but honestly? I think it could also be used to paint borders on decorative plates or something.

*/