The Awesome New Nursery Rhyme For Sexually-Frustrated Parents

There are bedtime stories, and then there are bed time stories. Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge — know what I mean?

Any parent who has waited anxiously for a little time alone with their partner will laugh until tears pour down their frustrated faces at a new children’s book called Nobody Likes A Cockblock (read aloud here by someone with an accent that makes the whole damn thing even funnier. OMG, I’m dying here, I really hope my kids don’t overhear this).

Pictures of not-so-sleepy baby animals are coupled with frisky adult animals desperate for some time alone in this rhyming tome that will rocket to the instant classic status of Go the Fuck To Sleep. Obviously, don't read this to kids, since verses like, “I love mommy so much. She’s my favorite cutie. And tonight I would like a piece of that bootie. Don’t ask for milk or help with your socks because nobody likes a cockblock” are definitely not G rated.

Oh, god. The truth. It hurts. Kids are the worst cockblocks, they really are!

While this might be hilarious to veteran parents who can laugh at such antics, I do not recommend getting this book as a baby shower gift. Let’s not scare new parents right away, m’kay?

But we know. We all know about toddler cockblocks. We know.