Winona Dimeo-Ediger

5. You start feeling insecure about the distinct lack of rappers in your social circle.

Seriously, I’m usually a “six sugars and a ton of cream” girl, but I drink Kao Jai black!

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When I felt a familiar wave of insecurity creeping up and threatening to mute my movements, I looked to you for inspiration, and I danced even bigger.

You don’t have to compromise on music or air conditioning temperature or snack break times. It’s just you, your car, and the open road. Ah, freedom!

Clean eating is so passe, you guys. It’s time to get on board the newest trend: dirty eating!

While buttoning my pants today I found to my dismay / that my skinny jeans get skinnier with every passing day. / For the past few months, in fact, I’ve watched with shock and wonder / as my stomach’s gotten softer and my thighs accrued more thunder.

If you don’t have a pair of pixie pants, girl, you need to get a pair of pixie pants.

1. Only eat salad and grilled chicken. Salad and grilled chicken, as a general rule, don’t ruin lives. Salad and grilled chicken are great... sometimes. Unless you’re going to amazing restaurants all the time and ordering nothing but salad and grilled chicken — then salad is definitely ruining your life.

Also worth considering: Beyonce on vacation, Prince George, your mom in the '70s.